Every year people make resolutions, stop this, change that, demand more, be wiser, then they relapse into old habits. You talk it but you don’t live it! When confronted with this fact there’s always an excuse as to why you keep doing the same things, why you keep dealing with the same types of people, and why you can’t let go the toxic things you swore you would leave in the past, that excuse is other people. You could move on if that person would stop reaching out. You could achieve more if someone at work or school didn’t have it out for you. You could have been way further along in life if your childhood wasn’t blah blah fucking blah! Maybe, just maybe, the problem with your life is you. It’s time to stop holding everyone else accountable and start holding up a mirror to see why you continue to take L’s year after year. Who Are You? What Do You Want? Why Aren’t You Getting It? If we’re being honest, it doesn’t really matter what you think because most of you act in direct contradiction to the thoughts you carry in your head. Talk your talk, post about it, snap about it, tweet about it, but where’s the receipts that shows—SHE’S DIFFERENT. Show me what you’ve done in the last few months that proves that you go left where other women go right? It’s a new year, look at you doing the same old shit. You’re one “sup stranger,” text from fucking with someone that doesn’t truly fuck with you, but to hear you tell it you don’t have time for those that don’t return the love you show. You said this year was going to be your year to get your hustle on, but you’ve spent more time this week scrolling your timeline then putting your business plans into gear. Nothing you claim to be in your head is evident in your actions!
You walk around with anxiety because your life is held together by lies and wishful thinking. You force affirmations down your throat, fake smiles, and try to convince yourself that your time is coming to get what you want. How can anything truly change when you lack the motivation to call out and improve upon your own contradictory behavior? You live life on autopilot, setting half-ass goals, chasing shallow shit like a man’s love or enough money to buy something you don’t even need. You fantasize about businesses you’ll never get off the ground and the type of men you’ll never meet, let alone marry. Believe and achieve… but you don’t believe you can achieve because every time you try it doesn’t work out the way you want, so you pout and distract yourself with the latest gossip, news, or protest. Your energy is put into other things because you don’t want to try only to fail. You’ve been let down before. That shit hurts! It’s safer to sit online and complain, to clown with your friends and laugh away the pain, or to forget yourself in your latest boo and imagine that he will save you from your life. Spoiler: He won’t. You try to put a positive spin on why you’re getting older, yet still not getting what you imagined, so you wash your setbacks down with, “it all happens for a reason/ in due time” but even that shit’s starting to fade. In the back of your mind is the possibility that you won’t end up with anything that you really wanted, and be one of those older ladies you meet that has to put a happy face on her mediocre life as if she planned it that way.
What if you end up no better than Jane average? What if all your potential is wasted on the wrong career? What if all your love is misplaced on the wrong man? What if you have kids that grow old enough to resent you because they don’t understand why you didn’t go harder in life when you had the chance? The dark place you avoid is that endless pit of “what if”. To avoid thinking about your life in that way and spiraling into an endless depression you use an antidote called blame. Blame your mommy and daddy for raising you wrong. Blame your exes for traumatizing you. Blame blame blame, but that shit won’t take away the facts of your life. You’re an overthinking, fake-happy, mess of a person that plays a part in front of other people because you lack real power internally. Today I want to talk about the core of your personality. We’re not talking about how to expose men, dating tips, or any of those things. This is about the foundation of your character and why you continue to lose more than you win. Let’s start with the email that sparked my frustration…
Confessions of a Weak Ass Woman:
…needless to say, I failed miserably at being a Spartan. I got whipped by a boy that shouldn’t have even gotten my number to begin with. My cousin posted us on Facebook during Thanksgiving. Which led to **** requesting to be my friend. Two of my cousin’s other associates also sent requests so I didn’t pay attention. No page stalking, no curiosity. I literally wasn’t checking for this boy, swear. Not to say he is ugly, but he is not someone who I would go after in person. I know you once wrote about internet standards vs. real life standards but I’m still hard headed lol. We started to message and one thing led to another and I agreed to a date. I didn’t date like a Spartan because to me he wasn’t serious enough for that kind of effort. He kept talking about my looks, but I wasn’t flattered I know the game. But I got overconfident not going to lie. After the date I went back to his place. In my head I’m Rihanna this funny looking boy is a hoe, so why not entertain myself? He was a freak lol! Licking my toes, asking to taste the kitty, I felt powerful. It’s like the stuff you were telling me about my ex made sense finally. I knew that I was a woman that could get a man to chase me instead of chasing them like I had been. Nothing happened that night besides his foot fetish foreplay. He stayed consistent, but we didn’t really text about shit. I started to email you but I was afraid you would ask me why was I wasting time with a boy who I didn’t want romantically plus did not have anything to give me financially (He works part time in retail, lives with his brother, never finished college btw) so I decided not to bother you. Big mistake as I ended up having sex with him on that next date.
This was the week before Christmas. I told myself that I would keep the fling going until the new year then start dating other men. New Year comes and goes and not only are we having sex, I’m at his brother’s place nightly now. NC, I’m up under this boy like I’m his girl and I’m actually liking him. He had a hard time at work and was suspended so I offered to take him to see ******. I pay for everything, try to be a good friend to him. On the car ride back he doesn’t say a word. I notice that he is taking me to my place as opposed to where his brother lives. I ask what was wrong. He says his brother didn’t sign up for two roommates. Okay, it’s his bro not me. Cool. More silence. He pulls up to my complex and says that it’s too much. What the heck? He says that I’m smothering him and that he didn’t sign up for a girlfriend. It felt like someone kicked me in the damn stomach, NC. I couldn’t even react the way I felt, I reverted into a weak bitch and said to him that I can scale it back. Yes! I was trying to negotiate to keep him around. He told me that he didn’t want to waste the new year just playing around. My soul floated from my body. This halfugly, toe sucking, broke ass, peasant was basically calling me a placeholder and I was still too dumb to realize it. I cried for him to think it over. Like actual tears and snot lol! He apologized and told me he had to get home, his way of saying get the hell out of his car I guess [FASTFORWARD] …after all of that I still want to see him and talk to him. It’s like you said about my ex, but worst. Why would I want **** more after he rejected me? Why would he reject me in the first place when I was his trophy? I’ve seen pics of his ex by the way I’m the best he’s ever done look wise, I’m sure. The sex was amazing. So what gives? Is his brother behind this? Is this about his job/money? I’m so confused and I honestly want to give him a real shot, but he won’t talk to me.
If this were a classroom I would point to you and ask, “Can you tell me where she fucked up?” Most of you would be able to go through her story with all the things you would have done differently, but your ability to see the weak bitch ways in someone else’s story isn’t the point. Many of you are guilty of these same mistakes. Talking to men you can do better then. Going on dates for the fuck of it when you aren’t even feeling the guy. Egotistically believing that you can handle male attention without getting sprung. We live in a world where there’s a lot of fake female empowerment, and it sets women up for failure in situations like this. Your mouth is saying, “I’m a savage,” but your actions are saying, “I’m a hopeless romantic.” Be honest, your heart isn’t cold, it’s empty. You play that role online or in the group chat, but we both know that savage shit is all an act. You’re not a savage you’re a sliiiddddeee with visions of grandeur! This talk about having niggas on the hit list, hoes on the roster is a bunch of bullshit. You don’t have a roster, princess, you have a couple of niggas on Plenty of Fish, trying to fuck you—difference. You don’t have casual sex, so stop talking about what hoes are hitting you up like they’re just dick you want to sample. You’re talking to a bunch of mediocre men that can’t do shit for you and feeling good about it. You’re literally wasting your time every time you go to text, because your phone is filled with losers. Savages don’t catch feelings, but you do because all you know how to do is over-love men that see you as just a pussy.
Men submit to you, chase you, shower attention, validate your need to be wanted—then at the moment when you feel powerful and cherished, you lower your guard and reward them. Sometimes it’s sex other times it’s your love. Nevertheless, it falls apart and you ask, “WHY WHY WHY,” or scream “COME BACK COME BACK COME BACK,” never realizing that it was always a hustle. One that you naively fell for because you were too busy being fake powerful in response to a man pursuing you. There are two types of women in this world. Those that have power and those that want power. Right now, you’re pretending that you’re the one with power. But are you? I know women that truly don’t give a fuck. They walk differently, they talk differently, they flirt differently, and most importantly they ACT differently from most women I encounter. Any of you can go out and pull the best-looking guy at the bar. But you don’t. Any of you can go on social media and shoot your shot at the best-looking guy on your newsfeed. But you don’t. You can sexually dominate and mentally bait 9 out of 10 men walking this earth, because women are magic in the flesh built to enchant. But it goes unused because you’re afraid of someone not liking you, not responding to you, or things not going as planned… You say you have no fucks to give, but you’re sensitive, overthinking, and only savage behind a keyboard. That’s not power.
You think when a man see you he’s like “Issa Wife!” No, he thinks, “Issa Pussy!” because that’s what the vast majority of you are when push comes to shove. I repeat, it’s not what’s in your head, it’s what’s in your actions! I can call you a Queen all day long, but when you’re on date #3 with some dude that’s showering you with attention and selling you dreams, you don’t unmask—you buy in. You end up back at his place with your titties in his mouth, and prove every misogynistic man’s point—girls are dumb. I know women are smarter than men on average, but it’s hard for me to stand up for womankind when you make these teenage mistakes over and over again, then point the finger at the man as if you didn’t know his agenda. That girl in the email knew she was a dime, knew she could attract the type of man she wanted, but she ended up stuck on the dick of a fuck boy who only had to Facebook message her, stroke her ego, and take her on one and a half dates. Men aren’t winning because women are stupid, they’re winning because even “half-ugly” men know that the way to most girl’s heart is via attention, consistency, and filling her insecurities with compliments until she gets attached. You all know that’s what men do! So why do I continually get emails like this? Why do you nod along like you understand female empowerment then fall for basic game from these niggas?
I always see some Basica on social media going on rants about how “ain’t shit” men are. They’re only “ain’t shit” because you’re taking L after L, not because that’s the reality of the world. Let a nigga take you on a month worth of dates, and your attitude and hostility will be replaced with subtweets about “can’t wait to see bae.” This bi-polar view of men is part of your problem. When you don’t have a guy in your face that you like, you’re full of standards. When you do have a guy in your face that you like showing you attention, you revert into Suzy Kitchen Bitch. Which one is the real you? Are you the woman that has the standards of a Queen or are you a sad little girl who takes what she can get because she doesn’t believe that she’s good enough to attract a King?
YOU don’t have confidence
A lot of you are fake. That’s not an insult that’s a cue to check your true thoughts going forward to see if you’re being real with yourself. Some of you brag about shit you don’t have or exaggerate the basic shit you do so people can look at you differently. Some of you are only friends with girls that make you look better by comparison. Some of you are friends with girls so you can gossip about them because their foolish moves make your mistakes seem like nothing. Don’t be defensive, be honest right now. You’re only as superior as the women you compare yourself to. If your best friends are hoodrats, slides, naïve thots, overweight, underweight, can’t dress, or plain old idiots, that makes you a Unicorn by comparison. “These hoes silly, I’m one of the smart ones!” *holds hands out for cookie* Okay, Miss Unicorn head ass, let’s take you away from those bum bitches, and put you around some elite warrior Queens. You know that if you were around Spartans they’d laugh at the way you do your eyebrows, snicker at your thirst trap outfit, and listen to the way you talk and dismiss you as low brow. There’s fake boujee and then there’s real boujee, and the moment you try to stunt on someone that really lives that life, walks that walk, and has receipts to show just how bad of a bitch she is, it will shine a light on your very large holes. Leaders recognize sidekicks. Queen Bees recognize worker bees. Pecking orders exist because women with true power use basicas as stepping stones.
Insecure people do not want to be exposed. It’s the reason why externally people buy things to show off even when they don’t have it like that. Internally, it’s the reason gimmicky New Age affirmations are so popular with weak minds. Hollow quotes are built to tell you that you’re perfect and ascending even when you aren’t doing shit different. To keep this lie going that you’re special, that it’s the city you live in, the men you’re meeting, the job you work at, the teacher that’s holding you back, or whatever excuse fits your “it’s not me, I’m a Unicorn,” brainwashing, you must constantly compare yourself to lesser people. I know this to be a fact because for years I’ve had women tell me about various insecure hustles. They would confess about going to the hood clubs because they knew they would have on shoes or a bag that the ghetto girls couldn’t afford or bootleg and that made them feel like a winner. Borrowing from their 401K to take extravagant trips just to stunt on women that work the same exact job and can afford the same exact shit if they chose to take out a loan. One girl told me how she bought herself an engagement ring… and didn’t even have a boyfriend! Just to post the shit on Facebook because she saw how much love her friend received when she got engaged with what she referred to as a, “Baby Spice ring.” It ate her alive that a woman with less money, less education, and inferior looks was loved, and the only thing she could do was to compete via ring size. You may think that’s fucked up or crazy, but it’s not. This is what many of you carry around with you even when you don’t act on it. You want to be better than the next woman, not because she’s your enemy but because you’re looking for validation that you’re good enough to be paid attention to!
There’s a term called “Pick Me” that refers to women that thirst trap, not with overt sexuality, but with “If I had a man I would do this…” rhetoric. Weak bitches will listen to these dumb ass men blow hot air, and then try to become that woman who does all the submissive shit those men claim to want. You know what I’m talking about because you or someone close to you probably does it. Talking about sports you don’t watch, making his plate, buying him NBA2K, sucking dick after a long day at work, catering in all the ways they think will make a man pick them. Everything said publicly because she’s trying to catch the attention of a guy who will shower, “We need more women like you,” compliments.
Most of you aren’t fake on purpose, you’re trying hard to be different because when you’re insecure everything in life becomes a competition. Family, friends, co-workers, strangers on the internet, you DO care about what they think of you, and when you hold a mirror up to your life, you realize that what you have and what you’re currently doing isn’t that special. You find ways to make yourself seem bigger and better, but end up living a fabrication in pursuit of external validation from people who don’t fucking matter. True confidence doesn’t come from the length of your natural hair, the size of your ass, the amount of looks or hollers you get from thirsty ass men, name dropping people you know, a trip you take, the type of car you drive, the bag on your arm, or a fucking relationship status! Basic bitches try so hard to be extravagant, because they live and die by attention. Their entire life is built around reaction. They need to hear that they look cute, so they over do their look. They need to feel that others are jealous, so their phone is always out attempting to make every basic bitch outing seem like they’re living like Oprah. They need to be that girl in a group of single or unhappily cuffed friends that can say her boyfriend is perfect, so they try to fix a dick until he’s something she can show off. Attention, Envy, and Love, all gained in a fraudulent manner will eat away at you eventually. No matter how long you fake it, you’ll never truly make it to that level of true confidence by doing all that fraud shit. I want you to take 20 minutes before bed tonight, and ask yourself are you happy with your life or are you simply putting on a show to make others feel as if you are?
YOU don’t know how to pick men
Some of you tell me that you only want to date a guy from your culture, black girl with black men, island girl with island men, Africans with Africans, and so on… When you get past the bullshit loyalty reason you try to use, it comes down to fear. Those men are typical and predictable like the guys you went to school with or the men in your family, therefore they feel safe. A Latina once asked me to write her a script to read off because she was going on a date with some white bread stock broker in Manhattan, and all her life she’s only dated either black or Latino men. I told her to talk to him like she talks to the dudes from her neighborhood, and stop trying to fake a personality for male approval. But she couldn’t because her confidence around those men was based on her feeling superior to them. She ended up canceling her date, and a few months later was writing me, this time about some hood drama with one of her exes who she started talking to again. There was nothing inside her that kept her from aiming higher than her circumstances except her own self-doubt, and that self-doubt won out. The real reason most of you stick to the rivers and streams that you’re used to is fear of being judged. All the shit you talk, all the bragging you do about how you need a man that brings something to the table, yet your confidence is so thin that you constantly go after lesser men and call it “loyalty” or “comfort”. Look at how men select women, they fuck any race and adapt to any culture because we see women as women, not something to fear as foreign.
How do you personally select the men you date? …you don’t. They select you and the only choice you’re making is to text back or not. You aren’t selecting men, you’re simply picking from the batch that are bold enough to approach you either offline or online. I hear women say dumb shit like, “I never see anyone I’m interested in.” Yes you do, but you choose not to approach them. A bunch of coward ass little girls hiding behind lies cus you don’t have the guts to go for what you want! Anytime I’m out with friends I observe women as a bit of research. A girl will size up the newest guy that walked into the place, eyes going up, down, and back up if interested… but as soon as he walks near her, she shies away and goes back to playing on her phone. You’re thinking, “I’ve done that,” and that’s my point! Of course you do, there are always attractive looking people out and about no matter where you live. To ignorantly complain about your lack of options has nothing to do with the quality of men you cross paths with and everything to do with your timid selection method.
Most of you are sick of dating because half of the men that approach you aren’t even cute and the other half are handsome but littered with red flags. Dating sucks for you because your past is defining your present, and that past ended with you giving bum dude after bum dude your time only for it to go nowhere after getting your hopes up. He’s so nice, he’s so smart, he’s planning on doing this for you, he wants to introduce you to this person… a few weeks later that nigga won’t even text back more than “k”. How do you respond to that? You say hurt bitch things like, “I’m married to the money,” “I ain’t got time to date,” or “I don’t chase men, they chase me.” But you were just up a guy’s ass, lost in the sauce, because he told his mother about you and joked that you may have to get off birth control. Whose fault is it that you over-invested in a nigga that said all the things niggas say to get closer to you? Whose fault is it that you were so excited that you over-sold this man as different to anyone that would listen? Whose fault is it that you don’t date multiple men, you just take them as they come, and give your all before he’s properly vetted? I’ll wait…
YOU don’t know you’re full of shit
Men and women both are guilty of delusional ego stroking. I’ve listened to dudes brag on famous people they know, the moves they’re making, then by the end of the conversation they’re asking me to help them get a job. I hear women talk about dating men with money, being a sugar baby, but I know the Ho life, and can tell the closest thing her broke ass is coming to a sugar daddy is the candy aisle. Fake people are transparent when you have or been around those that have. But I realize they aren’t trying to impress people on a higher level, they’re trying to impress people on their level to create some imaginary separation that will make them feel better about their position in life. That guy who was telling me about knowing *such and such* only said that so he won’t be seen as just a regular nigga, even though he is just a regular nigga. If he were to talk that to a girl or a simp that dick rides other dudes, he’d probably been greeted with, “oh wow, for real!?” and that would have gotten him dap or pussy, because most people are easily impressed with fakes, hence the popularity of most reality shows.
That girl who was talking to me about all the rich guys she dates was sitting there with a cracked phone screen and some of the driest weave I’ve seen outside of east Baltimore. She gave some guy with money pussy, probably for free, and he ended up giving her some pocket change for her troubles. Now she’s exaggerating her story as a come up. That’s what people do, they take bits of the truth, sprinkle in some loose facts, and become something that other people will find fascinating. I don’t know your story, you do. I don’t care about white lies or embellishments, I’m more concerned with clarity of character. What percentage of you is fake, is a scam, is an exaggeration? Be truthful. Now ask yourself why? Is it for the reason’s I’ve listed already or is it something deeper? Maybe it comes from childhood trauma, maybe it’s something you need to seek therapy for to find out fully. You need to do this internal work because I’m convinced that most people don’t realize the extent of their self-delusion. We live in a luxury culture where you’re not supposed to have roommates after a certain age, if you’re not rocking designer you’re a bum, if your car isn’t foreign you’re broke, and if you’re not getting flown out your pussy is trash. Who’s making these rules? People that don’t have shit, or people that get a little taste of money, and try to put those that don’t have any down. You don’t have to impress anyone! Be brave enough to be who you are.
When I tell women to Spartan Up, to grab life by the balls, to go out and conquer, they feel powerful in the moment. Then that night they’re either at home stalking an exes IG or out with friends mean mugging because they don’t have faith in their ability to talk to a stranger. I constantly use the example of approaching first, not as an end all to relationship problems, I use it as a very small step in rewiring your weak ass mind. If you can walk up on a stranger, engage with wit, and carry a conversation, then you prove that there is nothing to fear. If you pack up your car and move to a state that offers you better opportunity, you prove that there is nothing to fear. If you sit down with a guy you’re dating and flat out ask him why he’s dragging his feet on a relationship, you prove there’s nothing to fear. Everything I write is to be done so you can see that the way you’ve been living your life, this foundation of fear and anxiety, is bullshit! A girl who doesn’t get nervous talking to men she finds cute, will always have better options than that girl stuck fucking exes or hoping Tinder matches her with a non-creep. That girl who can see that her potential is being wasted in her city, and move without the excuse of needing to save save save, will always go for the brass ring career wise because she’s already risked it all. That girl who communicates that she wants more in a relationship will never be trapped in a situationship or be one of these 7 year girlfriends, because she will have proved to herself that hearing, “I’m cool where things are,” doesn’t break you, it inspires you to only date men that see you as a Game Changer not a Placeholder. But what if I waste my time and the guy I pull just wants pussy like the rest. What if I move and can’t find a job? What if the guy says he wants more but then goes back on his word? See, you’re doing it again, you’re finding excuses to stay in the safe lane where you don’t do shit but wish upon a star. You got to have faith! Faith that you will get what’s coming to you not because you hoped for it, but because you’re going for it. Faith that even a setback is a valuable lesson in refocusing your goals. Faith that nothing in this world can hold back a woman who isn’t afraid to wield her power and not give a fuck about who it offends!
The road to mediocrity is paved with women who were too afraid to get more out of life. Are you done lying to yourself about the moves you’re not making? Are you done lying to yourself about why you’re single. Are you done lying to yourself about who you are, or are you content with being just another typical bitch, that takes typical pictures, brags about typical achievements, settles for typical men, and pops out typical children that will repeat the circle of basic? When a person is wired to see reward where there is risk, their mind takes the first step in becoming the master of its reality as opposed to a bystander. As you read this you’re either a Spartan or you’re a Typical. You can’t be half a mastermind, either you are built to win or you are conditioned to simply get by in life. It’s time to stop reading and start doing these things you nod your head to! The time for action is now, not when you move, not when you drop a few pounds, not when the weather changes, now now now! Who are you? What do you want? Why aren’t you getting it? Answer that shit out loud, and poke your chest out when you say it. You’re a Spartan. You want it all. And haven’t gotten it yet because you were busy discovering this truth, but now that you know, it’s a brand new fucking day!