Behind every great man is a great woman, not an enabler, not a bottom bitch, and not Mommy #2. But most girls don’t know the difference. There are women that swear they’re being supportive by trying to assist a man with his problems, show him how to plan better, help him get on his feet, or try to focus him on a realistic goal. But who the hell asked for your help? You just met a man, you have no vested interest in his life, yet your focus shifts to trying to make him “a better man” instead of seeing if he’s the RIGHT man for you. These type of girls aren’t dating like Spartans, seeing if a man is worthy of being her partner, they’re trying to make any nigga fit because they just want a bae. That’s not true, I saw something in him, and a good woman is supposed to inspire her man to do better. YAWN! That’s not your man, that’s a tinder nigga. That’s not your partner, that’s your project. He’s looking for pussy, and you’re looking for a ring… and you don’t even care if you have to put the money in his account so long as you get a proposal. Supportive turns into exploitative because what’s actually at work isn’t you being charitable; it’s you being Dr. Frankenstein. A girl will swear by “I see his potential” based off how a nigga tells a joke and how deep he throws a dick. You don’t see any fucking potential; you see a piece of clay you can mold into a husband. You’re trying to turn a Nike nigga into a Margiela man you can take home to your mother. You’re trying to take a man with a GED, become his angel investor, and bring him up to your level so you can parade him in front of your friends. You’re sick of trying to find a boyfriend at your level, so you create one, oblivious to the fact that you’re setting yourself up for failure.
You Can’t Fix A Man
Women are nurturers, and that isn’t a negative, but some have the naive habit of trying to save men that don’t need their saving. You meet a man that’s handsome, charismatic, but he’s broke or dealing with other demons, drug abuse, alcohol dependency, baby mama drama, etc… so what do you do? You can’t leave a man that has the physical and personality that you’ve been waiting for because he has things he needs to work on. You take him home as if he’s some wounded bird that fell in your backyard, and you begin to “fix him.” You can’t make a D-boy want to stop selling drugs, you can’t make a playboy want to stop chasing pussy, you can’t make a dude that’s happy playing FIFA online and working a low paying job, become a CEO. In addition to those types, there’s a Broken Wing hustle that Narcissistic men use to manipulate women. Here you are looking for love, and he’s there to shower you with compliments, give you a sad story about his past, and rush through the getting to know you stage as fast as he can so you can’t expose his Dick Tactics. “It was like we knew each other for years,” stop being gullible! You’re thirstier than Anna from Frozen, and he’s bullied his way into your heart by making you skip the vetting process of dating over several weeks. I’ve talked to so many women who get excited that they found some random ass boyfriend after a week. Then a month later his true colors show and instead of running away, they run toward him trying to repair his issues because they don’t want to let go of that potential he showed the first few weeks. No matter if he’s doing it on purpose or a man that’s genuinely needy, you need to be smart instead of soft. This isn’t a new epidemic. Half of you reading this have fathers who you love, but who you know aren’t shit, yet your mothers to this day, still try to fix his bum ass. You say things like, “I’ll never let a man do me like my father did my mother,” but in the end you are attracted to those same type of stray dogs. By trying to make a man different from your father, you end up trying to overcompensate in a relationship as if you can WILL a man to be great. It’s time someone was real with you… Men have to find their own path to manhood, so get your titty out of their mouths!
Let’s talk about the ego you pretend you don’t have. Your ego loves fixer uppers. Your ego wants to look back two years from now at your boyfriend like the Property Brothers look back at a house they just flipped. You took broke ass Dante, inspired him with your positivity, upgraded him with your ideas, and now he’s fielding offers from fortune 500 companies. Your ego cums so hard at the thought that you are such a great woman that you can transform a man from coal into a diamond. You desperately want to be loved and appreciated for your Fix-A-Nigga genius because it validates you. All he needs is a woman that understands him and knows how to be tough *paints nails*. Delusion is a hell of a drug! That’s your ego at work again, pretending you have the blueprint on how to make a man act better, do better, and love you forever. Your weak ass blueprint is as good as toilet paper, because your ideas are based off TV, Movies, or bottom bitches in your own family who held down men who ended up being horrible husbands or fathers. The reality is a Carrie Bradshaw would never really fix a Mr. Big. No amount of Good Woman Ferry Dust & Dick Sucks, can upgrade an ain’t shit dude! I loved the show Mad Men because it analyzed Don Draper, the epitome of a broken male, and how all these women came in his life thinking they had the solution to put Don back together. In the end he kept relapsing because it was never about a woman making him be a man, it was about him finding his own path to manhood.
Fixer Upper Vs Already Built Men
I often get emails where women write, “I don’t feel like I have anything to offer a man right now.” Some women have to feel as if they contribute something tangible and irreplaceable to a relationship or a man won’t think she’s special. This could be money, a home, or emotional support. It doesn’t matter that their logic falls apart when you realize that smart and wealthy men don’t care what you bring to the table if you’re unique in personality. Men aren’t walking away from a bomb ass women because she didn’t own a crib or a Master’s Degree– EVER. Your paranoia doesn’t come from the opposite sex; it comes from your own self-doubt: Why would any man want me when I don’t have my life together? With that in mind you self-limit the men you attract. You could literally have the type of man you want, but your own mind stands in your way because you don’t think what you have in terms of career, money, education, are at the level where you can be valuable to a successful man. Even if you’re a woman that has her shit together, you may still feel inadequate around a man that’s doing it big, because you have insecurities that you refuse to address. Therefore, you date down, not for the same shallow reasons a man does, but for emotional reasons. In the arms of a man that’s not doing better, you find that appreciation you’ve been chasing.
Fixer Upper: He needs me emotionally; I’m his confidant and therapist.
Already Built: He doesn’t need my advice or shoulder to cry on, he’s done fine by himself.
Fixer Upper: He depends on me to hold him down; I’m an important part of his life.
Already Built: He’s self-sufficient with or without me.
The Fixer upper man is the perfect counter to the cockiness or the intimidation of a man that is already successful. Bring a man you’re comfortable with up to your level, and since you had a hand in upgrading him, he’ll appreciate you, right? Wrong! “And when he gets on he’s going to leave you for a white girl,” was so impactful not because it’s a funny punchline, but because behind all humor is the sting of honesty. No real man wants a handout; they want to earn their spot. When you buy a nigga his first suit, drive him to an interview, and then help him open that first bank account to deposit his first paycheck, you are thinking like “Mom.” Meaning like a mother you expect to be loved for what you do, but men aren’t little boys, they may take your help and say they appreciate it, but it’s emasculating. His pride is being shrunk, and as soon as he is on his feet, he will take the first opportunity to show you that you aren’t the cause of his success, he is. You were there to hear about his fears and anxieties; he doesn’t want you around to remind him about his soft side. He’s going to trade you in for someone that only knows the new man you helped him become, not the old broken one. He’ll call you up a year later, talking about how he misses you, and your ego will once again cause you to cream, but he’s using you like a Bottom Bitch. He’ll apologize, let you mother him back up, and once his ego is repaired, he’s off again to find a woman he can stunt on. The next thing you know he’s engaged to someone new and you’re crying your eyes out about “that’s not fair, I did all this stuff for him!” Fuck your fair. No one told you to save him and no one promised you a happy ending!
I want to talk to men and women today, because as men we should be forced to prove our manhood, not suck on some Bottom Bitch’s tit until we’re ready to attack the world. Honestly, with the current generation coming of age, I’m actually seeing men who don’t know how to be men because these thirsty Ms. Fix-It chicks are picking up where mommy left off, and as a result, guys are becoming spoiled little bitches. Today’s men don’t treat women like Queens, because they don’t know how to be Kings. They wait around for women to do things for them, instead of taking life by the fucking throat. They wait around for minimum wage laws to past, so they can afford PS4 games and exotic weed, instead of aiming for that Boss title and corner office. These dudes want sympathy and handouts, and these girls are there to give it to them because they want love and affection. Both sexes have become weak as fuck, and I’m sick of seeing it. I’m going to be like that Uncle that punches you in the arm and says, “Stop crying for your Mother, pussy,” because you dudes need to take life into your own hands starting today. At the same time, I’m imploring women to stop trying to play dress up with these grown ass men as if they’re Ken dolls. You’re no longer helping, you’re hurting.
A Man Has To Find His Own Ambition
Ladies: Your job is not to be a guidance counselor in a relationship. If you’re dealing with a guy who took a year off college that turned into three years or a man that was laid off and he can’t get into first gear to restart his professional life, there is only three thing you need to do. Ask him what his plans are, what his passions are, and how he plans to achieve HIS goals. If he gives you an answer that you don’t like or is on the fence, it is not your job to figure it out for him. I remember this girl kept pushing her boyfriend to go work with her father, “He will open up a spot for you making X-amount a year.” All he asked her to do was to help him write a cover letter and update his resume. Her Wonder Woman ass knew his lack of experience wasn’t going to get him a good paying job, so she tried to force a new career on him that would earn what she needed him to be earning. He broke up with her, because the issue of “You wouldn’t have money problems if you would have listened to me and took my father’s help,” would not die. As a woman who had her shit together, she didn’t understand the mentality of a man who was trying to figure out his life, not just money wise, but what his life was going to be. Not all, but many females don’t understand the process of finding yourself. Go to school, pick a job based on what the pay will be, go to college or trade school, go get that job, be happy—the end. It’s not that simple for most males. Men are explorers by nature, they soul search, some a little too long, but it’s what they do or depression sets in no matter what job they are working. The girl who sent me that email was very defensive because she felt that she was being a good girlfriend, “It’s a job that can lead into a career, who wouldn’t take that?” A lot of people don’t want just any job even if it is easy work, they want to feel completed, not wake up miserable working for someone’s father. Ambition can’t be suggested, it’s something that sparks inside a person. To lead a man down any road just so he can earn a steady paycheck, become stable, and buy you a ring is not selfish in a good way, it’s selfish in a dangerous way.
Alternatively, the solution isn’t to let a man figure his life out while you pay the bills and sacrifice a normal relationship where you don’t go out on real dates because his money is funny. You’re not an investor you’re a girlfriend. If this dude is blowing his SSI check, has gone through his court settlement money from when he was a teen, or just doesn’t have a good paying job—you lift his spirits, but you don’t pour money into him. Even if he’s trying to pursue a graduate degree, you don’t use his scholastic ambitions as an excuse to be the Sallie Mae that he doesn’t have to pay back. You have to draw the line at how much you help, or a person will not grow! Is it okay for men to ask their women for money in a pinch? Of course, you’re a team and he should do the same for you. However, you shouldn’t bail him out more than two times. What is his end goal? If he’s always going to be late with his car note, then why isn’t he trying to make more money? If he’s always going to be $100 short on a bill, then why isn’t his life consumed with getting out of that struggle? Handouts don’t create CEOs they create bums! Again, this is girlfriend talk, not “we’ve been dating for three months and I love him,” Basica talk. Some of you have paid bills, bought iPhones, and co-signed loans and leases for niggas you’ve only known for a matter of weeks because you can’t say “no” to dick. It’s easy to play women, because so many women think supporting a nigga will make him love them. Stop. Being. Thirsty. Even though you shouldn’t force him to do what you want him to do, you can’t ignore his lack of ambition. Again, inquire about his goals, give suggestions, but if more than a month passes and he hasn’t moved forward and taken any action, you need to leave. A man who gets comfortable under a woman is like a man that lives in his mother’s basement, he won’t leave so long as he’s being enabled. If you bitch long enough he’ll take some job just to shut you up. If you mother him long enough he’ll stay on the couch and just come up with get rich quick schemes that he’s “a few months away from launching.” Neither road leads to happiness. Love a man, but never allow yourself to become his safety net.
Fellas: Get your shit together. If you don’t know where you want to go in life, then that’s something you should be worrying about before you take your last $20 to the club to pick up thotties. If college isn’t for you, then use your fucking brain to figure out how you’re going to make up the difference in pay by not having a degree. T-Shirt lines are an oversaturated market, so is that a real vision or are you just trying to make a quick dollar? Record labels aren’t giving out 1998, hit the lotto type record deals, so are you passionate about that grind or just looking for some imaginary deal you think will solve your problems? Even if your cousin has the hook up at the Post Office, that shit is no better than Burger King if you don’t really want to do that job. Get rich quick schemes aren’t goals, Zuckerberg didn’t create Facebook to sell advertising; it evolved into that from his creative dream. Don’t let rap song bragging, athlete contracts, and who the pretty Hoes are fucking with send you into a depression where you end up bitter and defeated to the point where you just make excuses instead of moves. The first rule of being a real man is that you don’t blame anyone for your position in life. Coulda, Shoulda, Woulda ass niggas are a dime a dozen. I don’t give a fuck what Bernie Sanders is saying. You’re not supposed to be given anything in life; you take that shit by being the best! Stop selling these women on this idea that you got held back from being great so they can have sympathy, give you pussy, and become your new mother. Dumb bitches will always be there to cheer on mediocre men because those men feed their insecurities. Do you want to end up just another bum ass dude with an overbearing bottom bitch for a woman, who has to smoke and drink to escape the reality that you didn’t go out and make a better life for yourself knowing that you had the intelligence to do so if you wanted? No one is holding you back, and no one needs to hold you down. Think about what you really want out of life besides money. Then ask yourself why you’re only thinking about it and not going for it.
A Man Has To Find His Own Maturity
Ladies: Stop falling for these Mama’s boys then trying to change them. He relies on his mother for everything, he can’t do anything without his friends, his sister acts as if she’s his girlfriend… Girls complain about this type of man, yet love trying to rehabilitate them. You know why you’re fighting to keep a man that’s a Mama’s boy or a Sheep ass nigga? Mama’s boys make the perfect obedient boyfriend because Mama taught him how to be the man she always wished she had. You don’t want to fix him; you want to exploit that Man-Boy side of him. A Man-Boy is that guy who is raised by women to take the place of the father who wasn’t around. The mother, aunt, or sister have breed this Man-Boy to take care of them, now here you are trying to come in with the title of girlfriend and take their slave away. In order for you to be his new mother, you have to rip him from the bosom of his old one. Good Luck with that. A man shouldn’t be asked to choose a girlfriend over his mother, because they shouldn’t be in the same lane. If you’re agitated or having a cold war with his family, it’s not your job to make ultimatums, it’s his job to separate family from his love life on his own. The love he has for his family will always be greater than he has for you; however, he has to recognize that his job isn’t to be the head of the household; it’s to go out and create his own household. If he’s too brainwashed to put that into perspective or too pussy to stand up to his family members who think you’re trying to change him, then that’s not the man for you. Don’t waste more time loving a man that’s already married to his mother.
Fellas: Your mother will always be the love of your life, that’s an unconditional bond, but for Mama Payne’s sake, leave the fucking nest both literally and figuratively. You will always need your mother, but you know longer need to be mothered. If your mother needs help, you help her, if she wants to spend time with you, spend time with her, but she cannot be the driving force in your romantic life. Her opinion on who you date, fall in love with, or marry doesn’t matter after a certain age. “I got a feeling… she looks sneaky… I just don’t like the looks of her,” what the fuck does that tell you? That your mother or your sister or whoever the unapproving family member is, has a bias. Unless your girlfriend called your family member out their name, came in the house acting disrespectful, or they have inside dirt on your girl, then their opinions are useless. Furthermore, don’t sit on the sideline like a simp and let your family and your girl battle it out because you don’t want to choose sides. Be a fucking man and take a stand. You know how your family is, their good and bad qualities, so if you see them bullying that girl you are falling in love with, stand up for her even if they call you a sellout. No matter how old a woman is, they can still be petty. Grandmothers still have beef with daughter-in-laws twenty years later based off wedding seating. So don’t think that just because she pushed you from her vagina she has the right to push the woman you love out of your life. Be the man she raised you to be, not the pussy you came out of.
A Man Has To Find His Own Game Changer
Ladies: Treating a man like a husband will not make him see you as a wife. Mistake number one is when a girl tries to smother a man with all these domestic goddess tricks in order to speed up a commitment, an engagement, or a marriage. Fix-A-Dick logic: All a man needs to see is that you’re loyal, responsible, and loving and he’ll leave all his hoes. Sure, and all Meek Mill needed was another week to write his diss and he would have won… you’re in fantasy land! These type of women love playing house, so they assume that men too have that same end goal of, “let’s have a happy life where you come home, I cook, we eat and talk, and then cuddle—repeat 7 days a week.” Niggas don’t fantasize about that shit; they fantasize about being the only man in a threesome. You don’t understand how men think, you just understand how you think, in your mind, all you need is someone to support your dreams plus show you consistent love, and you would drop all other men for him. Love is not enough for guys because men attain love from women easily. The goal isn’t to get married as fast as you can and be validated by a woman’s love, the male goal is to play and experience life before he dies or gets too old. Which means that even when presented with a beautiful and selfless woman, he will keep shooting his shot. It’s not about finding Mrs. Right, it’s about sampling all the Mrs. Right until one pops up that represents something that he can’t pass up. See, now you’re thinking, “I want to be that last one! That one he can’t pass up!” But you don’t decide that for him—he does. This is where 90% of you are fucking up at right now, your ego tells you that you are the best woman ever, but your results haven’t proven that. In response, you overcompensate to get those results you think a great woman such as yourself should be getting. You put all this energy into making a man happy and then you’re shocked when he doesn’t want to hang out with you on the weekends. You learn new dick sucking techniques and study porn so you can prove that he’ll never get bored with you in the bedroom and then you’re shocked when he’s caught flirting with some other girl. No matter if you’re at the dating stage or if you’re in a relationship, a man doesn’t change for a woman; he changes for himself based on an internal epiphany that his mission is complete. You can’t force love or commitment by spoiling a man emotionally or sexually.
I talk to many women who meet guys who seem as if they have changed their stripes for her and they feel that Game Changer pride… at first. The man inevitably gets restless and all that “Girl, he settled down for me,” talk goes out of the window and the bitterness sinks in. He just wasn’t ready is not a good enough answer, because every man is in control of when he is ready or not. To not be ready means that that you as a girlfriend were good, but not fulfilling enough. Girls hate to hear that shit, and for women who already have self-esteem issues and securities it breaks them. “What age do guys get their shit together? What do I have to do to make him realize I’m not going to wait forever for him to grow up? What else can I do to make him want me the way he’s supposed to want me?” There is no age that makes a man slow down, there is no ultimatum that will make a man settle down, and there is no way to make a man want you above any other woman. That’s not the answer you want, you want the “It’s all a part of God’s plan,” excuse that justifies you hanging on emotionally for him to come back to you. You want to use the “Make him wise up by leaving his ass” gimmick because people claim that men always come back. Those are half-truths people tell you to create hope. You don’t need hope; you need a reality check so you can stop wasting your time on men who don’t see you as a Game Changer.
This isn’t about what you lack, it’s about what he’s searching for. There is no shame in not being what a man is searching for, because most likely, despite your attraction to him, he is not what you’re searching for at the end of the day. There is shame, however, in allowing yourself to be used as a placeholder while a man figures out who he actually wants. How long do you need to hang around and over-love a person that doesn’t reciprocate? How much longer will you stay in a relationship with a man that acts as if you’re a chore as opposed to his soulmate? Go ahead and date that man who doesn’t want “anything serious” and think you can change him with your magic pussy. Go ahead, stay in that relationship, and think you can change him with your no pressure attitude. Walking on eggshells around a man and trying to fit into what he wants won’t make him love you; it’ll make him appreciate the next bitch even more. The next girl will pop up with her Spartan attitude, her no fucks given views on his emo feelings, and her “you got to earn this pussy” rules, and the man who you bent over backwards for will worship at her feet. Not because she was a better woman than you were, but because he had to experience what he didn’t want in terms of a woman, to understand what he couldn’t live without in a woman. It will always be his choice, but it starts with a woman’s choice not to be typical in how she caters to a man. All of these girls swear they’re different, but few prove it with actions that set them apart from the generic “love to get love” females.
Fellas: It’s time to stop running from your emotions and start embracing them. There is no such thing as being emotionally unavailable; you just don’t want to open up because you’re afraid of being judged. Behind every man that won’t settle down, is a scared little boy that wants nothing more than to settle down. These girls don’t understand the complexity of male emotions, most see you as just an object to say, “Look I got a man!” You don’t want to be an accessory, you want to be understood, but finding a woman that gets that is hard. You have to be guarded because every time you open up, they don’t like what they see. These girls are quick to proclaim, “This isn’t love, that’s not love, if you love me you wouldn’t act like this…” never realizing that their entire concept of love is based on movie fiction and exaggerated stories. You know what love is for real, while they only know love as that honeymoon period or short ass one-year relationship with some guy they barely knew. You know the difference between love and in love, but they see it all the same. How can you be honest with a woman who wants that fantasy? You can’t, but you’re willing to play along and see if she’s worth your real love. However, you have to look at the pool of women you have to choose from and it’s depressing! I’m not talking about the ratchets making Vine vids to Freak Hoe; I’m talking about these normal everyday women with baggage that they don’t even bother to check at the door. You don’t need another mother, you don’t need some overbearing basic bitch who wants to lay up under you every night, and you definitely don’t need some girl that’s going to be hot and cold with you because she sees her father in you.
Most men keep moving until they find something different, but that woman never comes. You fuck a bitch, try to give her a chance to earn your trust so you can open up and share what’s going on in your head, but the girls you meet despite claiming “I’m not like the rest” all act the same. Blowing up your phone because she’s paranoid. Starting passive aggressive arguments because you’re not moving at the pace she wants to move. Trying to enforce her friends or mother’s opinions of where your relationship should be headed. Some even try to use jealousy to get you to act right, not because you’re acting wrong, but because you’re not acting the way she thinks “a man in love” should act according to some basic ass relationship book she’s reading that month. All of these pretty women who start off great, all reveal themselves as either crazy or basic as fuck, and that’s why you don’t want to give out a title just so you can get some pussy. You have to stay guarded because you know that even though you have love for her, you don’t love her enough to give her all of you. The truth hurts, and if you opened your mouth and answered her dumb ass, “So where is this headed,” question you would ruin her because the answer is, nowhere! The girl you’re with is okay, but not exceptional. We as men want exceptional, not ordinary and the mindset and personality of most women are more bland than a white person’s potato salad.
I get why you’re emotionally hesitant. You’re not some “ain’t shit” guy or some master manipulator; you’re just not impressed. That dude you once were who just wanted to put his dick in all the pretty pussy is ready to retire. Getting sex is easy these days, all you got to do is swipe on an app and be yourself, no game needed because most of these girls are desperate. You’ll play along for a nut, but you’re bored with these Thots and title chasers. You’re done having repetitive conversations with uncharismatic birds, and are mentally ready to choose the ONE who sets herself apart. Here’s where most men will fuck up. You can’t be so soured by corny chicks, that you don’t recognize the great ones. A guy I give email advice to once asked me, “When do you know that she’s the one,” you don’t know, you take a risk based on what she’s shown you so far. There is a big difference when it comes to Pussy type and Wifey types. You automatically feel a rush when a girl is different, but you hesitate because you’ve had so many false alarms. You can’t freeze up! If you meet a woman that surprises you at each turn and goes left where other chicks go right, don’t be afraid. If you meet a woman that takes your best shot in terms of being moody or trying to distance yourself, and she doesn’t kiss your ass or go crazy, but remains poised, you know that’s unique. If you meet a woman that doesn’t let you run over her, and loves herself more than you, that’s a warrior that’s worthy of your last name. If you meet a woman that tells you the truth as opposed to what you want to hear so you won’t break up with her lonely ass, then you have to respect what the universe has dropped in your lap—a fucking unicorn.
Some men run from rare women because they are so different that it’s scary. She’s too good to be true, so you panic and push her away, or you self-sabotage so you don’t risk a letdown. It’s time to stop that punk ass little boy behavior. You can doubt your heart, you can doubt your brain, but when both your brain and heart are signaling to you that she’s not from this Earth, then you lock that bitch down immediately. Spartan women don’t grow on trees and you’re too old to be entertaining these dry ass placeholders, so risk it! There will always be hiccups, differences in opinions, and other people that try to tear you apart, but through all those tests, she will past, and that’s what makes her the ONE. Be man enough to risk heartbreak for a woman that shows you from the first date to the first mistake, that she is exceptionally special. Be smart enough not to rush in, but don’t be dumb enough to think a girl like that is going to wait around forever. Working on yourself isn’t a good excuse to run away, it’s a safe excuse to stay comfortable because you don’t want to choose wrong. Recognize when you’re blessed with the perfect woman and stop letting your fear of being hurt keep you from capturing your Queen.