Women often ask how can they balance being a Spartan with being feminine. I don’t really understand that because to be a Spartan has nothing to do with being masculine. You don’t have to wear pants and construction Timbs, pass up mani pedis, or go without makeup. For some reason to be powerful, to speak your mind, and to put yourself first correlates with being a man. How the fuck did “powerful woman” become an oxymoron? What you’re asking isn’t how to stay a girl, you can’t help but stay a girl it’s who you are, what you want to know is how do you utilize your power in a way that won’t offend a man. How do you be dominating… but not too dominating that it makes a man feel insecure. How can you be aggressive and decisive… but in a way that won’t make guys think you’re a bitch. Why the fuck are you still putting men first? When I talk about taking the world by the balls and not letting go until you get what the fuck you want, your mind runs back to, “but what will the boys think…” The brainwashing is real; we men have succeeded in permanently imprinting this notion that our opinions of you mean more than your own advancement.
Some girls say they want to Spartan up, but when it’s time to actually put it to the test they duck and run back to the safety net of tradition. They are quick to point to some woman who is still living by that old mentality, and because she found love or success, that old way isn’t broken. Finding exceptions make you feel better because that means you don’t have to change, you can just do the same bullshit you’ve been doing. You want someone to agree that you aren’t crazy; it’s the man that’s lost his mind. You aren’t average; it’s just that these hoes are being extra. You want someone to lie to you so you can repost some Tumblr quote about true love that makes you feel like it’s going to be okay. You’re not going to be okay, you’re going to end up settling for mediocrity just like the millions of women before you. I’m not here for the hollow inspirational quotes, I’m here to put a boot to your ass. I’m not here to make you feel better, I’m here to make you be better. I’m not here to reassure you that the rules work, I’m here to assure you that there are no fucking rules. Everything happens for a reason, and the reason you keep taking L’s is because you refuse to see the signs that you need to evolve! You keep running into walls because you’ve been given the wrong directions your entire life. I’m telling you that if you turn around and walk the other way there’s a door. But you’re afraid to turn around because that’s not what you’ve been taught to do, so you keep walking into wall after wall like it’s some test form God. It’s not a test, it’s a sign that you’re doing the same dumb shit and need to stop it!
You can read this site all night long, you can memorize Chapter 10 of my book, but unless you actually take action, you’re not a Spartan– you’re a reader. Giving in to nervousness, being controlled by your fear of inadequacy, being bitter because you see other women effortlessly winning, choosing not to try something different because you assume you’ll fail—those are weak bitch ways. You let others set the rules, you let fear dictate your decisions, you let people manipulate you, and then you pretend like that isn’t the case and everything is fine—you’re a token weak bitch. Finding your inner Spartan isn’t about simple shit like, “Spartans text back after this many days, Spartans say this on a date, Spartans take dick in this position,” this isn’t about tricks, it’s about a way of thinking that will forever change the way you approach life and how life rewards you. You’re afraid to Spartan Up, not because you’re a weak bitch, but because those weak bitch ways you’ve been misdiagnosing as “tradition” are holding you back every time you’re faced with a challenge. So, if you’re done losing, done worrying about what men think, and ready to rewire years of kitchen bitch brainwashing, then welcome to Sparta.
Taking Care of a Man That’s Not Yours
The Weak Bitch Way: Your mother took care of your father. Wives take care of husbands. Mothers take care of sons. You take care of niggas who won’t even give you a straight answer to what you two are. One of these things is not like the other, dumb ass. I get it, females are maternal, and the moment they can walk, they’re handed a doll baby and shown how to play house. From there it’s a race to bring that childhood fantasy into reality. You aren’t a slave to tradition, but you choose to be. Grandma Basica has taught you that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach so when he doesn’t want to take you out on a real date, you don’t see that as disrespect, you see it as an opportunity to cook. Dude isn’t calling you like he used to, so you remember how good he said your pussy was, then go over and remind him what he’s missing by fucking him. Dude is stressed about his life, you were taught that a good woman is also a good provider, so you help him out with his bills. All of these things are what good girls do, and everyone says good girls are rewarded. When you don’t get the results from a man you’ve spoiled with food, pussy, loyalty, or money you get confused. You forgot one thing—these dudes are not your real men! You are spoiling niggas you barely know or players who keep giving you false promises. Making men happy makes you happy because you think that leads to eternal love and devotion. Ha! Bitch, you should do standup. Your weak ass is following the same blueprint that had people thinking the earth was flat. You’re breaking your neck for a man just so he can tell you, “You’re not like the rest of these hoes,” but you’re just like the rest of these hoes, because most of y’all put men over self. Compliments don’t cost men a dime, and here you are selling your soul for a pat on the head. Weak bitches get hustled because they feel a need to show a man what they bring to the table from the jump, but by the time they’re done showing him; he’s had his fill and is ready to see what’s at the next table. You know what they call Magicians that show their best tricks for free? Broke.
The Spartan Way: Don’t give a man shit that he hasn’t earned. Weak bitches bribe, Spartan women boast. You can change his life, but you won’t change his life or upgrade his raggedy ass just because you’re sweet on him. Let him see how you’re living. Let him see how you joke. Let him see how you flirt. Let him see how your ass looks in that skirt. BUT– he can’t touch. Now, what the fuck is he going to do to lay claim to a woman as immaculate as yourself? You need more than compliments and promises, you need action, or he’s just like all these other clowns. Weak bitches live by the “No Dick Left Behind” movement, they want to save these niggas because certain guys have a good heart and a hard knock story. Fuck his sob story, he’s not interviewing for a scholarship, he’s trying to be your man, so either he proves himself, or he can keep moving! Spartans don’t care what his excuse is they expect results. Busy, broke, or just bullshitting to see if you’re a sucker—that’s not your problem. A Queen like you costs time and energy, so a man MUST pay with time and energy. A broke nigga better take the money he’s getting from his other bitches to wine and dine you. A busy nigga better bully the guys that he works with to take his shift, so he can make time to see you. A nigga having a bad week had better borrow a car, a bike, or a bus pass if he wants to meet, because you’re not a taxicab nor do you give a fuck about his “circumstances.”
But, NC, I really like him… I don’t want to mess this up… that’s the only way I know how to love… I swear I need to go town to town and give weak bitch exorcisms. This guy wants you and you want him just as bad, so attraction makes it hard to be tough. NEVER want anyone to the point where you compromise your value. Weak bitches are understanding, Spartans make niggas understand. This isn’t that normal coochie where all he has to do is not say something to fuck it up. Your vagina should be as exclusive as the motherfucking Olympic trials not a game of pick up where any tall nigga can just walk on the court. What makes him worth fucking? What makes him worth cooking for? What gives him the right to even stay in your life after the 2nd date? Don’t be afraid to be a bitch. He could get that pussy on a platter, if you were his. He could get to come over lay up under you, if you were his. He could get treated to the best gifts he’s ever received for his birthday, if you were his. But you’re not, so he needs to work on making you his if he wants the amenities. A weak bitch will do the most because she feels inadequate and has to sell a man on how great she is. Tap dancing for dick, legs open, lasagna on the stove, thirsty as shit for love. Spartan’s don’t try to impress they are impressive. Spartans don’t take care of men they team with men. You are the best product on the market and have something that he can’t get anywhere else, that’s the only selling point you need. Buy or bounce, Spartans don’t allow browsing.
Single & Looking From Your Crib
The Weak Bitch Way: Basicas sit on their ass and think Michael Ealy is going to knock on their door ass naked, oiled up, holding a box of truffles like, “Thank the lord you didn’t go out tonight, I’ve been searching for you.” Women who seek out comforting advice as opposed to the hard truth develop this Sunday school notion of how the world works– be a good girl and a good man will come. They literally do just that, go to church, work hard, only masturbate on the weekends, and then they wait for a man to discover them. Who the fuck is going to discover you in your bedroom? There’s no place to go. These guys out here are crazy. I don’t have anyone to go out with. My mama says don’t look, it’ll just happen. The weak bitch way is paved with empty excuses. If it wasn’t for work or school, most girls would forget how the sun looks. You hate your looks—hide inside and say you’re a homebody. You’re overly shy—hide inside and blame it on your friends not wanting to go out and hold your hand. You’ve been hurt too many times—hide inside, and have faith that you’ll bump into a good man on your lunch break tomorrow… or the next day. I’m always asked the question, “where should I go?” Out, bitch, out! Open the door and just go live your damn life.
The truth is weak bitches know that they have to get out to more diverse places, but that takes work, that takes courage, that takes something more difficult than reading. Instead of doing, they make excuses and scour the internet looking for someone that agrees that with their mission statement of “Just wait for it and it’ll come.” These girls go out infrequently mostly on birthdays and to the most basic ass establishments, and even then, they are held back by funky attitudes and a chip on their shoulder because they’ve already decided that no men will pay them any attention. These women don’t have the balls to look up from their Instagram feed while at a party and mingle, so they go home feeling like they’re unpretty because no one ran up, snatched the phone out of their hands, and offered to eat their box. Be honest, your insecurity has caged you, not the lack of things to do in your city. I get it, you’re afraid the world is going to reject your looks, make fun of your awkwardness, or that your shyness will stop you from holding an interesting conversation. I wouldn’t want you to die from a case of “grow-the-fuck-ups” so stay inside, wait, and let me know how that works out for you.
The Spartan Way: You are a walking billboard. No matter if you’re on your way to Aldo with your bff or going to grab a glass of wine after a hard day at work by yourself, understand that men are always looking. Losers are looking, clowns are looking, ballers are looking, all kinds of dudes are looking, no matter if you see them or not. Who comes up to talk or who doesn’t come over and introduce themselves is irrelevant. The science behind attracting men works just as absolutely as the science behind gravity. You throw a ball in the air; it eventually falls back to earth. Science bitch. You go out dressed in a way that makes you feel good, a man eventually notices you. Science bitch. Your job is simple, feel beautiful, and don’t give a fuck about who thinks you’re not beautiful. From there it’s on you to either flirt from a distance, ignore the onlookers, or to go over and introduce yourself to the ones you must have. If you don’t know how to feel beautiful and you can’t stop caring about the opinions of others, you will always fail. You’ll find a weak ass man who takes you to weak ass places, spits weak ass game, and gives you a weak ass relationship that spawns a weak ass kid that you teach, “I didn’t force it, I waited, and I found your father.” If you want a mediocre existence, then don’t Spartan Up, Basica Down. Keep taking those lemons and pretending that shit tastes like lemonade, but we both know you’ll always have regrets. Spartan’s don’t live life in the house, they don’t live to wait, and they don’t quit. Every day is an opportunity to outdo the day before. Wake up, Spartan up, Conquer, Repeat.
The Weak Bitch Way: There’s a big difference between working through problems with a person and holding on to a person. Let’s stop mistaking being comfortable with being in love. You don’t want to leave your boyfriend, fuck buddy, or husband because you’re used to them being there. The fighting has become normal. The sex is reliable. The conversation is easy. Even if he’s not paying you any attention, you know how to act out like a drama queen and get his focus back for at least a few days. Your relationship is messy and predictable, but predictable is safe. Weak bitches would rather be unhappy and comfortable than happy and uncertain. New men come with new problems, new judgments, and there is no history keeping them from jerking you in favor of the next chick. Your boyfriend may have issues but you understand his moods and are certain that he’ll never abandon you because you’ve been through so much. He’s holding on, you’re holding on, and together you two are going to live out this weak ass love affair until you reach the breaking point. That’s not true love, that’s truly pathetic. If you two really loved each other you’d be trying to make it work, not arguing over the same problems every month because no one wants to resolve them. Honestly, most of these problems can’t be resolved, which is why a lot of you have broken up and gotten back with the same man more times than you’ve had sex with different men. You’re in love with being safe. Men understand what’s going on. Why do guys roll the dice and go after new pussy when they could lose everything they’ve built with so-called wifey? It’s not a gamble, fail or succeed, weak bitches will keep holding on to a bad relationship because they look at change like a ten-year-old looks at a trip to the dentist. Are you going to work through why he cheated? Hell no. You’ll break up and then run back once you get that text message, “missing my baby.” Go ahead and tell all your friends how you’re working through your problems, but I know what that really means: We don’t talk about what happened and he can no longer have a Facebook. Nothing has changed and nothing ever will.
The same thing happens with girlfriends. She’s been your homegirl since high school and one of the few chicks that actually survived the college purge where you lose contact with the old crew. Because she’s one of two girls not related to you that you can call and talk about Love & Hip Hop with, she has the right to talk behind your back and hustle you out of money, food, or car rides. This isn’t Sex in The City and you don’t have a crew of sisters, you have ratchet bitches that you hold onto because you don’t want to make new friends. Girls are fake, girls are phony, and you get along better with boys… you’re right, and the fakest ones are those that you’re comfortable with and overly loyal to. Those hoes know you aren’t going to do shit if they never pay you back their half of the bottle service money. You’re not going to trip if you never get that dress back, and you’re going to take her word for it when the dude you like snitches that she was calling you a slut and telling him to use two condoms. That’s your girl for life, but ask her about you when you’re not around and it’s, “she aight, I guess.”
The Spartan Way: You either fix it or forget it. Fixing requires honest communication and a willingness to change. There is no time for back and forth about who was wrong and you’re too grown to be talking in circles around a man who’s pretending like he has no idea what’s going on. If they’re not working with you then they’re working against you, fuck em. This is Sparta, and if someone bites your hand, you chop their fucking head off, and going forward you consider them dead. Loser boyfriends, backstabbing girlfriends—deceased, never to be mentioned again. Everything happens for a reason right, and the reason that person revealed themselves as a fucking snake was so you could cut the grass, not forgive them for the third time. Stop looking these clear signs in the face and blocking them out because you don’t like change! He wants to talk it out after a few weeks, to voicemail with that nigga. You run into her at the market and wants to see how you’re doing—turn your back on that two faced bitch. Oh… is that too hard? You just can’t cut a person that shits on you off? You’re in luck because human beings have this superpower called, “ignore.” I’m not sure if you’ve heard of it, but it literally keeps you from engaging with anyone that you don’t want to deal with. How do you use this superpower? You stop being a pussy that’s afraid of coming off like you’re mean, and you ignore that motherfucker like the mean ass no fucks given Spartan that you are.
Stop Being Typical
In the club screaming, “I love me enough for the both of us” in your best Jhené Aiko voice, but when you get back home your thoughts are consumed with “him” not loving you because your self-love really isn’t enough. You know you should ignore that phone call and that every word out of his mouth will be bullshit, but the hope that his lies bring keeps the tears away. You want to stand on your own and conquer, but that loneliness you have to go through while single and looking is a tough pill to swallow. You’re so strong in every other aspect of your life, but when it comes to men, you feel so weak.
In the house, stalking ex-boyfriends and new crushes and wondering if you’re pretty enough for any man to love you. Sitting and watching trashy reality shows and being thankful you’re not crazy, but lamenting that you may be too boring to excite men who love this hoe culture. You want to tear down those women who do too much and whore for attention, but you see the way their tricks work on men and now consider doing the same thing just to get a response from somebody decent. It’s easy to look in the mirror and say that you feel pretty, but the reality is that you don’t feel pretty because no one that matters makes you feel that way.
In your feelings, mad as fuck because you swear that you’re not one of these chicks that gets in her feelings.
You are not a weak bitch for thinking those things, but you become one if you refuse to fight through those feelings. Insecurity, bitterness, and hopelessness exist because you are looking for approval from the outside world. No one ever teaches you how to love yourself, how to block internal negativity, and how to stay positive when faced with setbacks. Self-esteem isn’t something you’re born with it’s something you develop, it isn’t something that stays with you, it’s something that has to be cultivated. Every day you’ll be tested and every day you’ll have a choice, bend or break. There is nothing in this world that can break a Spartan! The moment you feel a weak bitch thought creep into your mind, close your eyes and you remember this:
There isn’t a woman alive that can intimidate you. There hasn’t been a man born that can check you. So why the fuck would you ever let these peasants lower your self-esteem, confine you to the house, degrade your value, or dictate the rules of your world? Rejection is a pit stop on the way to acceptance and failure is only permanent if you give up. You’re the one that puts the B in bitch, the P in Power, and the C in Confidence. It all comes from inside of you, so either you can curl up and keep reading the “How To’s” or you can take your finger, slide it down your pants, bring it back up, and smell the very thing men die for. Pussy is gunpowder! Having it doesn’t make you invincible, but knowing how to use it makes you damn near unstoppable. Apply your power every single day and stop worrying about the casualties of war.