A man is on the hunt for wifey or pussy, but at what point in the relationship will he abort that mission all together? Men can and will pass up pussy. Let’s repeat that. Men can and will pass up pussy. I’ve been asked numerous times, “Why did he stop calling me? It was all good, we spent all this time together, and he disappeared without explanation and without trying to have sex with me“. On paper it does look crazy if a man puts in time, money, and genuine effort then suddenly decides to ignore her phone calls. But it’s not crazy. Crazy is a word given to things you don’t understand, and to understand why the guy you were feeling gave you the cold shoulder, you have to look at yourself. Did you show signs of jealousy, get emotional over little things, try to rush a relationship, or go Royce Reed and crowd his space? You cannot rely on a man to tell you where you went wrong because most men are introverted when it comes to expressing their feelings. Telling a girl “I’m not feeling you like that anymore” is harder than saying “I love you” because love needs no explanation. On the other hand telling a girl who’s done nothing terribly wrong that she’s not good enough, opens a can of worms that no man wants to deal with, so we run.
One woman emailed me hurt that this guy she’s been seeing for a few months ceased all communication with no rhyme or reason. Fuck him, move on, right? Nope, she still wants to talk to this douche bag, and was looking for a way to get him to pick up the phone and resume what they had. I can understand wanting closure as to what went wrong, but why would you want to be with a person who abandoned you? Another girl hit me with a similar story, but she was more upset that her guy didn’t try to have sex. Shorty called her potential boo a “dumb bitch” for spending money on her and not once trying to hit before he started sending her calls to voicemail. Clearly this is a problem many women face, and the truth is going to hurt but I’m going to say it. Your pussy wasn’t worth it. Not worth the time, the energy, or the headache. There comes a point in a man’s pursuit of love or sex, when he realizes that the woman he’s courting is not compatible with him. Yeah I wanted to see what the pussy was hitting for, yeah I would have liked a girl as phat as you on my arm, yeah you work and aren’t a bum bitch, but none of that matters because I can no longer take how you act– bye bye. Bullshit experts will feed you the lie that, “men are only after pussy and will put up with anything to get it“. No we won’t. Every man has a limit. Niggas who aren’t popular with the ladies will put up with a lot, those guys with options will obviously have a much lower limit. The truth is that your friend liked you at one point, but something changed, and despite putting in work for a few weeks or maybe months, he took it as a lost and moved on. Maybe another woman came into the picture that he started to like more, maybe he realized he wasn’t ready for something serious, it doesn’t matter—at the end of the day he aborted his original pussy/wifey mission because he saw something in you that he didn’t want to deal with.
HONEYMOON: The period of getting to know a person where everything seems so exciting and lust drives you to think this person is great despite some obvious flaws.
REVELATION: The teenage infatuation is over; you have settled in and know that person’s personality. The flaws and certain incompatibilities are no longer masked behind lust.
JUDGEMENT: You can deal with them and take the good with the bad. Or, this person isn’t right for you; you cannot and will not be bothered with their shit and have to find an exit.
“Men should be open and honest and say what they don’t like before they decide to step out of the picture and leave me confused and hurt” I agree 100%. I also agree that Marijuana should be legal, doesn’t mean the shit’s going to happen. Let’s stop playing the “Men should be honest” card, because niggas will continue to be immature and secretive. That’s the world we live in, so unless you move to Mars, you have to deal with the unfairness. Let’s focus on things you can control instead, namely how you come off when dating. If women who aren’t half as beautiful or smart as you are getting married everyday maybe you’re not playing the game right. So you’re a catch, pretty, personable, everyone loves you. You claim to do all of these things right, but men pop in and out of your life with no real explanation. Why are you a great Honeymoon girl, but rarely make it pass the Judgment stage? What are you missing about yourself? It all goes back to the things you learn at a job interview. What are your strengths and what are your weaknesses? And no, “I’m too nice” is not a fucking weakness; it’s a cop-out answer that proves you have not taken a hard look. You need to look internally to figure out why these guys delete you from their phone and tell you, “keep the pussy, I’m good“. Here are few common things that kill relationships before they truly start.
You Talk Too Much
“Do I talk too much?” is a trick question. If you have to ask if you talk too much then bitch… you talk too much. A guy who is dating a girl isn’t going to say, “Shut up I can’t hear myself think!” He is going to let you keep going on and on and on because at first it’s a small price to pay when dealing with a girl you really like. Men ramble on too when it’s about subjects that excite them, but some women have this ability to go on about the most uninteresting things as if they’re talking just to hear their own voice. If you want the real answer, talk to your homegirls. Girls can be brutally honest, and if your bestie says, you talk too much then believe it. Things to avoid are: The Back In The Day Rant, “I remember when me and my sister went to blah blah blah… I remember going to eat here back in high school with blah blah blah“. All About Me Rant, “I’m the type of person that blah blah blah… If that was me I wouldn’t have put up with blah blah blah“. Talking is great if you’re engaging the other person, but when you’re going off the rails talking about shit your boo doesn’t care about then you’re being selfish. I’ve had a few of my boys put the phone to my ear and let me hear rapid fire talk from girls they were dating. One girl I stayed on the phone with while he went to the bathroom and all I said was the typical “uh huh” and she couldn’t tell that it wasn’t him because he wasn’t necessary for her to have a conversation. Learn the art of conversation and show him that you are actually fun to talk to. A conversation isn’t you just talking about what you’ve done, what people you know are doing, and what you’re about to do. Ask the other person what they think, ask if they have experienced similar things, and create a back and forth dialogue. You may not think being a motor mouth is a deal breaker, but trust me, it’s annoying as fuck. You cannot bond with someone who is constantly talking about nothing.
Moving Too Fast
You don’t have to lie to kick it. This entire, “I’m not the type of girl who needs to be in a relationship” movement isn’t built for everyone. Don’t try to keep up with the women who are single by choice and loving it, she’s not you. So what if you draw hearts and judge guys by if they have a last name that would fit with your first name. It’s okay to be a romantic in the 21st century, drop the front. The problem women get into is that they come off to a guy they’re seeing like they’re cool with being friends and taking it slow, when they really want someone to call their own. Allison has been going out with Josh for five weeks now; they’re in lust, so things seem more serious than they are. They talk everyday so it feels like they have known each other longer. Allison said she wasn’t looking for a relationship, but now she’s rethinking that. Josh is on chill mode; he likes her a lot, enough that he doesn’t even want to ruin it by trying to fuck, because if he tries to fuck and succeeds, Allison may go from wanting to take it slow to, “where is this going“. Josh isn’t bout that life so he’s going to keep things the way they are—movie dates and phone sex. Allison thinks this may be love, and after five weeks, she knows she doesn’t want anyone else. Despite not having sex, she starts to beat around the bush about a relationship. Josh is confused; they were just having fun, where is this coming from? Homie has to explain that he’s not trying to keep his options open; he’s just trying to get to know her better. Now it’s an argument. Allison thinks Josh is seeing other girls because he hasn’t tried to hit that and doesn’t want a relationship, how dare he not act like a typical nigga! A week ago their relationship was light, fun, and passionate. Now it’s stressful because Allison doesn’t understand why Josh isn’t getting the hints that she wants to be exclusive. What does Josh do, commit to her so they can get back to the old times? Or cut his losses because she’s after something he’s not ready for? Josh is going to do what 80% of men do and run for the fucking hills. This chick baited him with the “I’m not looking for a relationship” line then flipped on him. Goodbye Allison, hello Allison’s cute friend who has been hitting him on Facebook asking, “Why aren’t you responding to my girl’s texts?” Save yourself some drama, if you are looking for a possible relationship, let it be known off top. It’s better to scare him away in the beginning, then to become attached and have him run off later.
Where’s The Love
A girl recently told me that she doesn’t like to show a guy she dates that she’s into him for fear he may get the wrong idea. What the fuck is the wrong idea? That he makes you happy? That you’re having a good time? Let him know it. The thing about men is that we can be sensitive and paranoid when it comes to women because we don’t want to get played. If he’s taking you out, calling you first, and making the move to kiss you at the end of the night, every single time, it raises red flags. You could be using him because you’re bored or need someone to kill time with until you find someone you really like. Take the guessing out of it so he doesn’t think you’re gaming him. Affection is a two way street. I’m showing you how much I like you, now it’s your turn to call first, arrange a date, and move in for the kiss. “If I do all of that he’s going to think I’m on his dick“. WTF are you smoking? Liking someone doesn’t make you a dick rider, it doesn’t make you thirsty, it means you like that person. Like is not a dirty word. I can see if you are putting in all the effort and they are just going through the motions, but if your affection is being reciprocated, then what’s the problem? Men are raised by women, no matter how hard we act, we want to be hugged and made to feel like we’re needed. If he’s putting in all the work and you’re acting too cool to show love for fear of looking thirsty, then he’s going to wash his hands with your Robotic ass and move on to a girl who’s going to show him that kind of attention. Don’t wait until he stops calling you to pick up the phone for the first time and show that you’re just as interested, return the love early and often. There are a lot more examples of deal breakers that I’ll save for the book, but the general thing to remember is that men are not great at communicating. If you tell us something or show us a type of behavior that turns us off you will never know until it’s too late. The signs that a man is reaching his limit are not always obvious, so read between the lines. If you are over his crib six days out the week, and he doesn’t say anything, that doesn’t mean he’s happy to have you over, he may just be afraid to say, “Could you give me Monday-Wednesday to myself“. Assume that he’s going to bite his tongue. A side note for all the fellas out there: Don’t bitch out, stick out your chest and tell her when she’s being annoying, if it leads to an argument so be it, but don’t wait until you’ve reached your limits and sneak off like the Baltimore Colts in the middle of the damn night.
The Douche Bag Returns
A man will stop talking to you cold, return your text messages three weeks later, and never say why he stopped talking to you. The funny thing is, a lot of chicks will take him back with little fuss. Don’t fall for that trap and roll out the welcome mat. You want to talk about thirsty? Taking a guy back after he blatantly ignored you makes you look weak and hella parched. The beef he had with you that made him stop calling hasn’t disappeared, he didn’t need time think or a family member to take care of, he is gaming you. A man who truly cares always makes time to call his girl, it doesn’t matter if the world is collapsing, his phone’s dead, and his fingers are cut off, he will use his tongue to dial her number on a dirty ass payphone. The real reason he’s back is probably because he got bored with his new chick or had time to realize, “damn I really left pussy on the table because she got on my nerves? Let me circle back and at least hit“. Either way, he still has problems with you, so unless his excuse is “I was in a coma, here is the hospital footage and a doctor’s note“, don’t run back into his arms. If a guy ran out on you once, trust me, he won’t have a problem doing it again.
Perfect The Interview
As I said earlier, the key to becoming the girl he can’t bear to let go of instead of one who’s easy to replace, is understanding your strengths and weakness. Dating is a job interview, that’s the secret we men learned a long time ago. The better we interview, the better quality of woman we can pull, it’s that simple. When a female openly admits that a nigga wasn’t her prince charming, but she still fell for him, it’s doesn’t automatically mean his personality was bomb. It means he said all the right things during the Honeymoon period and it made his stock go way up. She chose him the same way a store manager chooses a candidate that walks in with a shitty resume, but has a nice tie and an even better story to tell. LADIES, BE A GOOD INTERVIEW! You have to lead with your best foot forward during the Honeymoon period. I’m not saying lie about who you are or change your personality, but be conscious of those things that have hurt you in past relationships just as much as those that have driven guys to want to be with you. Before each date you spend time putting on your makeup and fixing your hair, why? Because you want your best image to represent you. Internally you have to do the same thing during the courting period and mask your weaknesses. You want a guy to love you for you, and most will if given ample time to get to know your good side before being exposed to all of your eccentricities. Women are known to tell men, “You didn’t act like this when we first started talking“. Of course he didn’t, that nigga knew how to interview, landed the job as your boyfriend, and then unleashed his full personality. He knew that if he showed any woman all of his shortcomings up front he would be single forever. Everyone in this world has flaws that turn people off, but that should not stop anyone from being happy. Learn to interview, show your positives, and ease these men into your negatives. By the time he realizes you aren’t superwoman it won’t matter because a real bond will have been formed. Now he’s not going anywhere without a fight. Not only is your pussy worth the headaches, you are worth the headaches because he’s had time to fall in love with the good, bad, and the ugly.