The BET Awards the one day of the year when the ratchets gather around the TV, moscato in hand, and criticize rich people. It’s better than Christmas. Personally I thought this year’s awards were good. Honestly I hit fast forward on the DVR through most of the show. But I enjoyed it way more than last year’s show.
Was I the only one waiting for Diana Ross to come out and grab Rick Ross’s titty?
Did you see the crowd shots of the audience? You’re going to an awards show, not Roscoe’s Chicken and Waffles why would you dress like that? There was no excuse for some of those outfits.
Kevin Hart was funny, the nigga wasn’t Chris Rock at the VMA’s but he did a decent job of utilizing insult humor, which is the only way to go at these type of shows. The House Husbands skit was my favorite part of the entire show. Anytime you can get Tami from Basketball Wives in the same room as Bobby Brown you’re winning.
Mary J Blige is a legend. An Icon. The Queen of blah blah blah. Rule number one. Never let Mary sing live anywhere! This was true back in 1996 and it’s still true today.
I know Toya just got married, and she’s probably still on her Honeymooon, but Regginae should have had her hair pressed, curled, or something. They had that girl sitting in the audience like she just escaped Hurricane Katrina. I know Wayne’s moved on to red bones with straight hair, but you can’t let your first born come out with bed head and frizzy edges.
Not that any of these categories matter, but what the hell was up with best female Hip Hop Artist? Lola Monroe? Have you listened to a Lola Monroe song? My mother has a better flow than that bitch. I like Diamond, but “Stilettos” was like six years ago. Nicki Minaj saying “I didn’t expect to win” was classic.
We’ve found AJ, apparently he is still lost in Free’s left butt cheek, Big Tiger’s putting together a search party and hopefully they’ll locate him before the end of the summer.
Speaking of ass LaLa’s dress may have been tacky but it doesn’t matter when you look that good. At least she was trying, Laurieann Gibson put a pair of pantyhose over her bra and called that shit an ensemble.
Meagan Good sitting on your face is probably a better feeling than curing cancer. Look at her. If they made women like that back in the 1950’s you wouldn’t exist because your Grandmother would have gone lesbian.
Wiz Khalifa… I have nothing good to say so I won’t say anything. What’s up with miss mediatakeout obsession aka Amber Rose? She’s pretty. But damn, niggas clit ride her as if she’s in possession of the world’s first bionic coochie. Maybe it’s the hair. *Kanye Sloppy Seconds Shrug*
Steve Harvey. Poor Steve. He honestly sounded like a man who regrets his past indiscretions. But that’s not going to stop him from fucking some 19 year old actress/model/singer in his penthouse tonight while he spit shines his Humanitarian award. Think like a man, throw it back like woman.
What’s up with Drizzy Drake? Is he in the midst of some crazy Canadian meltdown? You know those movies where the nerd becomes friends with the cool guy and the cool guy schools him on how to be a bad ass? Apparently Drake met some nigga like that down in Miami, grew a beard, and has decided being an Emo rapper isn’t the way to go. This is the new Drake, he’s taking your girl, saying fuck a haircut, and he’s littering. Yeah the trashcan’s right there, but fuck it, he’s going to throw that cup on the ground. That’s just how he rolls now.
Chris Brown beat Rihanna up. We get it, we’re over it, she’s over it. Why the hell is the pink elephant still in the room? Every time you see that nigga we shouldn’t have to think about her. It’s time for this nonsense to stop. Rihanna should have come out during one of Chris’s five performances and gave him a hug. End of story. But we get that poor girl reading the wrong name and the world gasps, “OH MY GOD SHE SAID CHRIS AND RIHANNA’S NAME… IN THE SAME BREATH!!! THE HORROR!” Shut the fuck up and let the drama go. Chris Brown and Rihanna should not be this important.
You know those women who pretend to be innocent? They don’t like saying the word dick or pussy, only give head on birthdays and would never do anything that would label them a smut? Those type of women would still let Trigger Trey and Pooch Hall double penetrate, balls deep, no condom. Fact.
Kelly Rowland is sexy. She’s not the prettiest, she’s not the phattest, she could have gone one cup size bigger on those breast implants, but none of that matters. Kelly has the type of swag Tweet had to go down on Missy Elliot to try and get. She will never be out of Beyonce’s shadow, but she’s on the road to being a legit star.
Speaking of women Matthew Knowles has inappropriate thoughts about. How gangsta is Beyonce to give a big middle finger to the BET awards? If this were the American Billboard People’s Choice Awards and a bunch of white people were in the audience Sasha would have flown her ass over to perform live. Your album’s coming out, you want to promote it of course, but then you think, “Wait, I’m motherfucking Beyonce? My Sweat can cure Polio, I’m not performing in front of a bunch of niggas! I’m not even supposed to breath the same air as Lil Twist” And she shouldn’t have to. The woman fills up stadium’s she doesn’t have to give lap dances to Terrance Howard anymore. Beyonce’s album is going to sell regardless of the promo tour. Yeah she has two wack ass singles, but who cares? Bey can defecate, put it in a plastic bag, and call it “4”. Her fans are still going to buy it and say that it’s >
Anyway like I said it was a good show, nothing stood out, but that’s the problem with award shows these days we can’t truly enjoy them because we’re always looking for the negative. Honestly what would have made it a phenomenal show? They give out awards and perform songs, you’re not going to get that big of a surprise. Michael Jackson is not going to jump on stage and say “I’m back, bitches”.