Cheating, Blah Blah Blah. I’m sick of reading about it and talking about it. Women cheat. Men cheat… a lot. People have made a lot of money telling people “why your man cheats”. You know the why. It’s not about the why, it’s about the when. Open relationships are interesting because no one besides six white people in Soho have them. If you commit to someone you can’t say, “If you’re going to fool around, let me know”. WHY WOULD I DO THAT? Who goes into a store and tells the cashier they’re about to steal? “It’s okay, I’ve known Mr. Kim for years, sometimes I buy sometimes I steal”. Fuck out of here with that. Some guys don’t cheat, but MOST do. I’m a man, we can’t turn the want to have sex with other women off.
Females have more decency, the good ones anyway, and don’t think with their clit. But even good men are susceptible to falling into new pussy. I know a very famous Black comedian, rich guy, household name, and married for a long time. He invited me out one night, but I had something to do. The next day his entourage clowned me because I missed out on a good time. Let’s just say it involved white girls inside the men’s room and fun was had by all the homies. I didn’t say, “aww what about your poor wife” because I don’t give a fuck about his poor wife, she’s living in a mansion and gets her ass kissed by everyone in LA because of who she’s married to. When the money dries up or he gets caught by the paparazzi, that’s when she’ll start getting upset that he comes home smelling like Rebecca, but for now don’t ask don’t tell is intact. He’s not a bad guy; he’s a really good dude who just likes new pussy. I love women, I’ll flirt like I’m trying fuck then be on my way without giving them my number or even a request me on Facebook line, because I made a promise to be with one woman and I don’t plan on breaking that. Just because I live that, doesn’t mean I will ever stop thinking, “I would fuck the hell out of her” when I see something bad. We men can’t turn the “hoe” chip off, we just short circuit it.
February is the cheating month. If you’re going to step out, now is the time. Girls are lonely and their standards drop more and more as the 14th rolls around, especially if the only Valentine they have is their kid. So if she wasn’t messing with married men on the 7th, by the 12th it will drop to, “married men who don’t have nice cars”. Go ahead, try your hand—oh that’s right you have someone. How are you going to pull that off? Dudes do it all the time, but unless your girl’s an idiot or you work the night shift, it’s going to be more trouble than it’s worth.
Open relationships are out of the question because no man will EVER agree to let the girl he’s with talk to another guy. The male ego doesn’t work that way. But women have been letting their dogs roam since the first whore house was invented. Here’s my suggestion. Reverse Psychology. Even the most uneducated goon knows how to use reverse psychology to get what he wants out of a girl. Some of the smartest women have no clue how to pull it off. A woman’s reverse psychology skills are stuck at the base level, as if she is trying to convince a kid to eat dinner. “You don’t have to eat that broccoli, I’ll save it for Jimmy next door”. That little boy hates Jimmy’s guts, he doesn’t want him coming inside the house let alone eating his shit. He’ll eat that broccoli as a fuck you to Jimmy. That doesn’t work on grown men. “If you don’t want to come pick me up from the shop, that’s cool. I’ll call my friend Andre to get me”. um… okay see you later. Call Andre, niggas don’t give a fuck! If there really is an Andre who was willing to come pick you up like a chump, he would have gotten the pussy years ago, but he hasn’t, so he’s no threat! You’ve lost your battle with Reverse Psychology.
Have you seen the previews for the movie Hall Pass? It’s about a married guy whose wife is sick of him lusting over women so she gives him a weekend to go cheat. It’s not as absurd as you think. If you’re having trust issues in your relationship, and you some reason you think loose zipper Jones is worth standing by, then give him a Hall Pass. No give him a New Ass Pass for the month.
I allow you to have sex with any NEW woman you want to. After you do what you do, bring this pass back to me and I won’t ask any questions.
At first he’ll think it’s a joke, but stick to your guns and tell him that this pass is your gift to him yada yada yada. Here is why he won’t agree to it.
SHE HAS TO BE NEW: He’ll go out to the bar and brag to his boys that he can holla at anything he wants. But guess what. The hardest part is “New”. Most guys are going to fuck someone they already like, so you’re not giving him freedom to fuck the girl at work or off of Facebook. You’re boxing him in. How many times do we meet new chicks who are willing to give it up as easy as girls we already know or as I call them prepped pussy?
SHE HAS TO BE CUTE: You go to the club; you’re not going to go for drunken sex with a buttaface especially if the girl who gave you the pass is sexy in her own right. Men will sneak around with the ugly girl, true, but with something like this it’s like you’re single again. You have to aim high especially if your boys are with you. “Damn you blew your Ass Pass on a bitch with a mustache thicker than yours?” not a good look. So you’ll go after a boss chick, but guess what, you have competition, and those other niggas aren’t involved in relationships. They can spend weeks even months talking her panties off, you have a chick and your time is limited—good luck.
24 HOURS IN A DAY: Any guy who has juggled multiple women knows that it will drain the life out of you because side chicks call and text like they are your main chick. You have an Ass Pass, you don’t even need to lie about whose texting you, but how awkward is it to get a call from the cute chick you met at the club and your real girl is next to you and says, “Go ahead and talk to her”. She’s eating her Caesar salad staring you down while you make up some bullshit excuse as to why you can’t talk at 8pm at night.
THE TRUTH TURNS INTO A LIE: What do you tell the other chick? Normally you say, “I don’t have a girl” or “yeah I have a girl but so what”? Most women, especially the prettier ones aren’t going for second string, so you’ll have to lie about having a girl. If you try to explain that she’s your Ass Pass she may spit in your face for thinking of her as a whore. So now you’re back where you started. Lying to have sex.
The Ass Pass doesn’t sound so fun now. If anything it’s the worst idea ever! It’s sad that we live in a world where even decent men cheat, but at the end of the day all a woman can do is have faith that her man is one of the few who doesn’t. So how do you know if he’s a cheater? Offer the Ass Pass. As soon as he says “okay, if that’s what you want… I’ll try it out” dump his bitch ass.