While I recuperated today from a fucked up week of being sick, I read some emails from some readers that made me think about a touchy subject. Two different girls sent similar queries about women who cheat with other girl’s men from the perspective of the other woman and it made me think of a debate I had with a friend about Alicia Keys. I love Alicia Keys, I could care less about her music, but as a woman who saw what she wanted, went out and took it, I applaud her. The reason no one jumped on Alicia for being a pimple faced home wrecker is because Mashonda was a nobody. Alicia was the homegirl they grew up with; of course you side with your homegirl over some equally high yella R&B bitch with no hits. For thousands of other women Alicia represented something other than the trifling bestie, she was them. The side chick who actually won.
We all make jokes about sideline hoes. Sideline hoes are dumb. Sideline hoes are in denial, yadda fucking yadda. But the truth of the matter is that the sideline hoe is rarely any of these things. Let’s not confuse the mistress with the jumpoff.
The jumpoff is the simple hoe who you call after hours. You do not take her out to eat; you do not have deep conversations, and you never trick a dime on her. The Jumpoff may not even know you have a girl. You know nothing about the jumpoff except what time she gets off work and how deep your penis can go into her throat before her eyes begin to water. The Jumpoff is about sex. Nothing more, nothing less.
The Side Chick knows about your relationship, and because of this knowledge you can’t treat her like shit and expect not to be hit where it hurts. She’s not a thing, she wants to spend time with you, talk, laugh, etc… she’s like the homegirl but with benefits.
If you’re a guy, it’s nothing to be attracted to another chick, or crush on another chick, but to take it to that next level is serious. If you go into an affair with a woman and you have the decency to lay everything out on the table, it’s not just because she has a phat ass or pretty face. No sir, to engage in that type of 007 lifestyle requires that you really like this girl, so much that you’re willing to risk everything to spend time with her. It can’t just be about the pussy with your side hoe or you wouldn’t tell her about your GF in the first place, you would just hit it and chuck the mighty deuce. The Side chick has to be an equally phenomenal bitch. Maybe she likes basketball and your main chick doesn’t. Maybe she’s carefree and witty or disciplined and strong willed. Whatever your main bitch doesn’t have, the side usually has in spades.
So the average chick would say “why be a fucking dog, why not leave your main girl alone and be with the side hoe”. It’s not that easy. We’ve all been in relationships, how easy is it to walk away? More importantly how easy is it to walk away when that person has done nothing wrong. I was in a relationship with one of the nicest girls I’ve ever met, at the same time I was going out with this young chick who me and my boys called my “baby bitch” she was young, loved to fuck, loved to throw fits, and we could talk about my favorite show, Buffy The Vampire Slayer, with me for hours. Of course I liked going out with her and buying her shit, and after a while I realized that I was treating her like my girlfriend. But I still liked my girlfriend, she didn’t do anything wrong, and she was fun in her own ways—I was just being greedy. So yes it’s easy to break it off, but going up to a person and breaking their heart by saying, “um yeah this isn’t working because I can’t curtail my desire to fuck other women”. No man will ever say that. Ever!
If you are a woman would you fool around with a guy who has a girl? The easy, morally sound, answer is “fuck no”. But what if he’s a great guy, everything you look for in a man and you two connect like crazy. The rule of “no men in a relationship” would be tested because it becomes personal. You go out on a date with him, and the next thing you know you’re fucking. And you will be fucking because once you know that he has a girl, it’s not about games anymore. All of these wack reindeer games like wait x amount of weeks to give up the ass, wait x amount of dates to suck his dick, it’s all out of the window. This isn’t your man; you don’t have to play the part of the hard to get lady of class. You can throw caution to the wind and have fun. Actually fucking someone else’s man is one of the few times a girl can lose all inhibitions and be herself. He can’t judge you, he can’t check you, he can’t do anything but put up with whatever bullshit you throw his way because he’s in the wrong more than you are. Burp, pick your nose, take a shit in front of him instead of holding it in the entire weekend, who cares—he’s not yours, you’re just using him for what you want. For a woman it’s total power.
The only problem you’ll have is the same one that sent my “baby bitch” packing. When she tires of the roller-coaster, she can’t get off and ride the romantic tunnel of love ride with you, because that seats taken. The realization of “is this it” is enough to stop the fun and games. The sideline hoe isn’t meant to be long term. Most of the time she finds a single man and the cheating guy has to accept that he can’t have his cake and eat it too anymore, now that another man’s dipping his dick in the frosting. The other solution is to choose your side chick over your main chick.
You’ve been lying to your main chick for month’s maybe years, so the trust isn’t there. Your side chick knows your tricks; she hears how you lie when you’re on the phone talking to wifey. She knows all of the excuses. In the three months she’s been fucking you, she’s learned more about you than your main bitch ever will. As fucked up as it sounds—there is more trust needed to have an affair than there is to be in a monogamous relationship. I bet that Swizz Beatz can’t put shit pass Alicia Keys, she’s seen it all. There is no “I’m working with Jigga in the lab” because Alicia knows those Mashonda tricks.
We can’t help meeting the right person at the wrong time. If you meet a guy and he happens to be involved, I’m not saying, “fuck his bitch and get your nut” I’m saying recognize the position you’re going into, then decide if you’re comfortable being that. Is it just going to be fun and then over? Do you plan on taking him from her? Or are you going on this ride while you wait for something better to come along. It’s up to the girl, because you know how men carry it, “I have a girl, but what’s that got to do with me and you”. At the end of the day, him honestly telling you that is letting you know he likes you more than a jumpoff, and other than proposing marriage, making a girl his side chick is the biggest decision he’ll ever make. But be warned, he’s done it to her– what makes you think he won’t do the same thing to you when the next chick comes along.
So what’s it going to be? I won’t tell if you won’t tell…