Merry Christmas Everyone! I hope all the Ratchets got the Home Pregnancy test and Abortion pill gift set that they put on their wish list. I was going to do the “12 most trifling things people do on Christmas” but I’m taking a break for a few days. I didn’t want to leave you hanging. Below, FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER, someone else gets to do a Black Girls Are Easy Post. It’s written by my homie Dr. Jay who writes his own great blog Book Of Jackson as well as for SBM and Necole Bitchie. Enjoy.
I Did It For The Glory
I send out an email to my boys at least once a week and somewhere in it, I will say the following: “Women are dumb.” It’s misogynist, I know, but I’ll tell you a perfect example of why women are dumb, they try and figure men out. That shit makes no sense. Have you ever heard a group of cum-snatchers talking about why some guy likes them? By cum-snatchers, I mean, jumpoffs, and they typically roll together.
Tasha: Girl, the only reason why he tried to talk to you at that party is because I wasn’t there?
Krystal: No, he basically said when he met us, he wanted to get at me, but I was shy.
Do you see what I mean?!
And for that reason, men, Black men, no… niggas can get away with a lot of shit! You can’t stop something if you don’t know why it’s happening, and if you can get away with it, why the hell not?! Don’t get me wrong, half of the stuff that men try and get away with is completely ridiculous, we know that, but if you ask us why we did it, we’ll tell you, “I did it for the glory.” There was no rhyme or reason, but there might have been a story to tell, or something that I can tell my son later on in life when he thinks that his mother has me pussy whipped.
Why I Fucked You and Your Friends: There is no better feeling to a man than to feel like he has control over not just your pussy, but all the pussy in the world, NO MATTER WHAT. Dick that defies the laws of loyalty, integrity and self-respect is the ultimate career goal of any man who has ever strapped up and fought battles in wet, dark places. In my twisted logic, I’m thinking, bitches love doing things they know they shouldn’t be doing, and that’s why I can screw one of those chicks and her friend. Plus, it’s a great fucking story. Very few men make it out unscathed, but you know what we’ve all tried it and were damn proud of ourselves once we did it. Especially if there was some great lying involved, you know, we’re all at dinner, I’m holding my main chick’s hand, and her friend is giving me a handjob under the table.
Public Voyeurism: Why does a man want to fuck you with the curtains open or in a park? Because your asses might get caught and that’s going to make him look like a pimp. Why would I have sex with some no self-respect having underclassmen in the living room of my frat house? Because I couldn’t wait for people to come home from the party and walk in on what was going on. Have you ever got a high-five while you were blowing some chicks back out? Running a train on a chick is probably a good story to tell, but to me, I just don’t want to see another man’s dick, so the best story in my book is “It could have popped off, but J be stingy with them hoes.” It’s just as effective, except there’s no one else who can tell the story except other men who lost. The game ball goes to ME!
The Hat Trick: This is nasty and if you can’t tolerate something nasty that 18-21, maybe 25 year old men do like #everydayb, don’t read this. But there is no story like the time you had sex with three girls in a 24 hour period. I mean, that story is better than the original Star Wars trilogy. It is epic, and so men do it. They sit and plot a whole plan out. This plan takes about 3 minutes, they think of three women they know they can fuck, the three easiest women, and they go for it. Don’t sit there and think about a hat trick like a hoe, a hoe doesn’t know which of those guys she likes and she has a weakness for each of them. (Take notes, hoes complete hat tricks on the reg, we had a jumpoff in college whose nickname was The Great One, she thought it was cool too.) But think about it like a storyteller, “The best part of this story is that while I’m stroking the third one at her dorm, the first one is still sleep in my bed. Four goals, my nigga!”
*NC-17 side note it’s true we do it for the glory, but it’s not just guys bragging to other guys. There are some sex stories that I’ve been through, especially those in public that I’ve never told my boys… but! I’ve told girls who I talked to, and by talk to you all know I mean “trying to penetrate”. The reason I’ve told them, “This one time, in front of my old high school me and–“ is because some girls are like Magicians. They don’t like to be shown up; they take pride in what they do even though what they do isn’t very classy. Telling a girl you’re getting to know wild sex stories about your former Glory will either get you cut off or in my case, make those girls step their freaky game up. But it’s a crap shoot. You tell a female how so and so let you have a threesome, and if she’s the right type of chick, I guarantee you she will drop hints that she’s either bi or bi-curious. But take that with a grain of salt because if a girl isn’t into topping your past Glory moments, she’ll just think you’re a freak weirdo and pervert and its game over for you. But hey, it never hurts to try… Carpe Diem my friend Carpe Diem.