The thing about college is that anybody can get laid. Hollywood has made billions off of college movies that perpetuate that stereotype. The idea of some acne scarred nerd leaving the pits of high school and getting some big tittied blonde chick to fuck his brains out is the reason boys want to go to the college. This fantasy alone trumps education. If they would have had a black version of Animal House or Van Wilder when I was growing up niggas would have chosen “Get ass University” over “I ain’t got shit to do so I might as well go Military”. Guys in High school right now aren’t worried about a major, they’re thinking about what fraternity they want to rush, what school has the baddest chapter of Delta’s, and all the bitches who get turned on by a guy who can step his ass off. And that’s a beautiful thing, because if there is one place where men can dick around for a few years before getting your priorities together its college.
But what if you’re a female looking to find love in those four years? National Lampoon doesn’t make movies about female college hijinx because women don’t go to college to fuck, they want to find a soul mate that has the same major she has, and loves the same obscure Harlem Renaissance authors that she does. I don’t blame women for having their heads filled with that bullshit, I blame Walt Disney. No one graduates the same person they were when they arrive, but females go through the biggest changes. I’ve seen the smartest girl in high school flunk out after the first year. I’ve seen a girl dudes rain train on freshman year walk the stage with full honors. I watched this chick talk shit about cocaine during our sophomore year then turn into “let me go to the bathroom” cokehead because the blow was inspiring her senior screenplay. With that said, girls won’t find love in college because things change too quickly from semester to semester. But if you insist of mixing deep thoughts with deep throat then here you go…
He Likes You. You Like Him. His Boys Want To Fuck You too: A guy will think the world of you, he will hang in your dorm, take you out and trick the little bit of money he has. Spend that loan refund on a pretty necklace, write poems, and stay up talking with you in the quad all night long. But we men love listening to our boys. In college it’s different because your new homies are going to test your gangster because they want to know if you’re someone they can do dirt with or not. You say you got bitches back in Ohio, playboy? Prove it. Your game is tight? Prove it. This notion of guys trying to one up each other or having contests with women is the reason group sex is at an all time high on the campuses of America. When liquor and freedom mix together orgies pop off, and women are the unsuspecting victims. How the fuck are you going to show your roommates, teammates, frat brothers, etc… that you go hard in the paint if you’re handcuffed? Just because Jessica is cute and as chocolate as she can be doesn’t mean you derail your college experience for her. A man has a short time to make a reputation for himself on campus, and he will sacrifice a girl he really has feelings for to prove that he’s about his business and “got no love for hoes”.
As a female you may think everything is good, he may be the one. You go home on Christmas break and tell all your old friends how much you like him. Wait for it… Spring break comes and those same friends ask, “How’s your college boo?” Now she’s like “fuck that nigga” because 18 year old Youngn’ stopped calling. He stopped hanging in her room. No more Quad talks about hopes and dreams. What’s wrong? Why isn’t he talking to you? He’ll say “Nothing”, he just has a lot of work and his grades aren’t looking good. Which translate into “bitch you cramping my swag“. Peer pressure boys and girls, it doesn’t get locked away in high school lockers, it grows. You have to understand, he’s alone with only his boys as his family, so when his big brother says, “Shorty over there likes you” he can’t say, “but I’m dating Jessica” because it’s college, you can’t be pussy whipped in a place where girls outnumber men 4-1! Jessica doesn’t know this, so when she sees her young love hugged up with some high yella hoe with a busted face and big booty she’s going to be devastated. But when Young love’s roommate creeps up from behind and whispers in Jessica’s ear how he think she’s sexy—she’ll put two and two together. It’s college and according to the movies everyone is suppose to fuck everyone because it’s one big party where things like feelings don’t exist.
How Many Roommates does it take to screw on a strap on?: I know some lesbians. Correction I know some bisexual women, I’ve had relations with bisexual women… at the same time… But where does this desire to eat one’s own come from? Do you sit home watching a Keri Hilson video and suddenly say “Jesus I want her to throw that pussy in my face” no it doesn’t happen like that. It’s all because of our friend, Experimentation—why not try it is the motto of college. While Men may not be willing to play “balls deep” in their sleep with their roommate, girls are expected to get drunk and kiss each other. I had a friend who thought she liked girls, but didn’t act on it in high school. She went to college, and in her first semester, my friend, her roommate and her roommate’s home girl turned their dorm room into carpet munching 101. She called me pumped that she had an orgasm just by letting her roommate sit on her face… of course now she has a boyfriend. But the point is she went there, experienced something she was curious about, and had fun doing it. Why can’t you find a man? Maybe a man’s not what you should be looking for.
Bitches are Smart: Someone told me that when I was young, and for years I had this notion that every girl was smarter than I was. By middle school that myth was shattered, but by college I realized there was a lot of truth to that. Women are very book smart and studious. They go to lectures, they do their homework, and they actually study for more than an hour. Women have the ability to cut off men and focus on what they came to school for, but they don’t, they’ll go from A to D’s faster than Mariah Carey after the Hero video, and it’s all because they let men fuck with their heads. You’re not supposed to be looking for love. Your mother is working two jobs and sucking a little dick on the side so you can have a better life than she did. You’re there to better yourself not find a husband. This isn’t 1952 you don’t have to be married by the age of 21. The point of going to a university isn’t to try out dicks… “but he’s so cute and he’s funny”. Okay bitch, go and chase the rabbit down that hole, but unlike Alice it won’t be Red or Blue pill, it’ll be E or Morning After.
College isn’t real. It’s not a place where people are serious. So why try and make it into this fairytale? You’re more likely to get shot by a skinhead named Remy than find a nigga willing to commit to you during college. Wait until Senior year, once you move off campus and matured, maybe then you can allow yourself to be distracted by a dude that is as equally focused as you are, but don’t make it your goal from the jump. You ladies get caught up just like men. You’re in a man buffet and it makes you horny, it’s okay to admit it, I can see your panties dripping in Psychology 101 every time Mr. Dimples asks to see your notes. I will admit, I do know four different couples who met at college and got married. It does happen. I also know a dude who got shot in the head and lived. Get the point?
Degree, Career, Dick in that order will make your life much easier. DCD ladies– DCD.