I was in the barbershop this past weekend, one of the few times when I actually get to be immersed in nigga culture these days. I sat and watched these dudes go on and on about subjects ranging from buying a used Cadillac even though he didn’t have a job because it was “clean as fuck dawg”. How his mother’s credit was flawless and he was going to “use that hoe” to get it. This girl who he was dating who had a best friend he was also trying to get at because the friend seemed more “bout it”. And finally if his homeboy had that “new call of duty shit”. Niggas are stupid. That’s all I could think. After 40 minutes of sitting through bullshit I was like, how the fuck do Black Girls not date outside of their race? If these group of niggas represent the a-typical black male in America what’s the attraction? …Bitches love niggas. It’s that simple.
We all know that the Black Man has a special place in his heart for the White Girl. He thinks the world of the Asian Chick, and loves having babies by the Puerto Rican with nice hair. Black Men have no problem with straying from their race. But the Black Woman is extraordinary in her dedication to the BBC (Big Black Cock). No matter the ups and downs a Black Woman will not change team colors, she will put up with the simple mind of the Madden obsessed, rap music bumping, polo rocking, look at your home girl’s ass on the slide, African American Male. Why are Black Women so loyal to their race when Black Men openly flaunt their love for Becky and Kim-Lee?
Every One wants to be a Nigga: White dudes love to be black until it’s time for a job interview or college application, and then all that slang they’ve learned from lil Wayne goes out the door. We Black men are stereotypically cool; it’s in our nature to be either laid back like snoop, amped like DMX, or Funny like Kevin Hart. Women love a man with confidence. And while Black Girls swoon over Italian boys or may threaten to go preppy, they run back to us like there’s a magnet in their coochie. Because nothing’s cooler than a nigga.
Trans Atlantic Swag: “Damn girl he just does something to me” even ugly niggas can bag bitches. Growing up I use to be blown away by those dusty ass niggas who spent all day hustling in the projects of south Baltimore and all night fucking the baddest yellow bone in the neighborhood. This one girl had to nerve to call me too pretty, and decided to fuck with my crusty ass $5 dollar rock selling homeboy. I was hot that he fucked the girl of my dreams! He teased me for weeks that he got more bitches than me. And he did, it wasn’t even close. This ugly bastard with ripped long johns under his Karl kani shorts was getting double the ass I was. No matter how shiny my Cuban link chain was or fresh my Jordan’s were, I wasn’t out doing his thug life swag. Later on I learned to respect that the baddest bitches liked bad boys. That’s why the word “bitch” became my aphrodisiac; it got me more play than my Jordan’s.
“I hate calling girls bitches, but the bitches love it”: You ever see two people argue to the point where you think they’re going to kill each other? I saw my one boy launch a boot at his girlfriend’s face and then grip the bitch up for throwing his promise ring across the yard. The next day, they were back in love. Black Girls love drama. The excitement of a high-powered argument is like fucking cat nip for them. I’ve never been one to argue, but the times I’ve gone out of character and screamed at a girl, the results were extraordinary. I once screamed a girl’s panties off, I swear to god, it was a thing of beauty. The louder your voice get the more they get turned on.
It must be the
shoes Dick: Not all brothers are packing. But most have the rhythm nation needed to bust that thang wide open, stitch it back up, and ship it over night. Nothing tops off a good night of arguing about how you don’t pay her any attention than rough sex in the bathroom until her legs tremble. That reason alone is why Black Girls put up with the bullshit. No matter what we do wrong, what girl we make eyes at, what money we blow on dumb shit, or how many birthdays/anniversaries we forget, a long dick down from the back will have her snuggled up telling you she loves you.
We can Relate: The main reason I think Black Girls don’t run to other races—they can’t relate to their lifestyle. Sure Roger is cool, handsome in a Ryan Seacrest sort of way, but when he starts talking about going to see Brandon Flowers live in concert or how Bill O’Rielly’s politics piss him off it’s like he’s talking Greek. I go to these stuffy ass parties and I’ve seen Black Girls try to front like they give a fuck about Tea Party politics or which Beck album is the best—not pretty. Mostly nodding and smiling. I want so bad to walk over to the girl and say “You See Last Night’s Real Housewives of Atlanta?” just so she can exhale… but I don’t.
White Guys Are Dogs too: One of my good friends is an Italian cat, he’s recently been on a Black Girl kick, and he’s pretty proud of himself that the last four chicks he’s banged have been black or mixed with black, and makes sure to throw it in my face every time we hang out. I told him he had to fuck with a 100% sister from the block, not these half-breed’s who are basically white girls. He did. That relationship ended after 3 weeks. The chick refused to give him head after going down on her—that’s how black girls role. The chick wanted to text not talk—that’s how black girls role. And the kicker was when they hung out without sex involved they had nothing in common—no, really? I told him she was too Black. He maintained that since he’s from Philly he was just as down and pointed to our friendship as proof. I was like, no, me and you talk about movies and pussy, not rap music and gossip. So he smashed a few more times and lost her numbers. That’s my Pizon.
Some Black Girls do date white guys, I’m not talking Paul Wall dudes who may as well be black, but real white guys who like to hike and go camping. Some even prefer them to black guys, but as god as my witness, I’ve never met a “hood” chick, not meaning some ratchet, but a girl who is from that upbringing seriously date a white guy, Asian guy, or any other non Black dude. I’ve seen Black girls from suburban environments fall for White Guys because that’s what they’re accustomed to, to them a Black dude that approaches you “Ay! Where you going girl” isn’t that appealing. So why is it that a Black Woman who’s been played by seven different niggas since she was 16 years old continues to go looking for a “fine Black Man”, where as a Black dude who’s been done dirty by Black Girls before he started to put a basketball in a hoop, will easily run to a White Girl? I think it’s something embedded in the Black Woman to want to be there for a Black Man, no matter how much of an asshole he is. Some DNA encoded loyalty gene that gives Goon ass niggas who sit in Barbershops talking about the dumbest shit shot after shot.
Black Men started off with so many obstacles it was like a higher power said “go mocha skinned woman, and never leave this prick, no matter how many times he calls you out your name“.That’s just my theory. Show me a Black Girl who runs out to the club screaming “I want some Asian Dick Tonight, girl” and I’ll reevaluate that. For now, Black Men should just thank god that for some reason, we can’t do any wrong.