I always shit on the BET awards for being unorganized, cheaply designed, and having horrible audio issues, but at the end of the day, they usually pull off an entertaining mess. I can’t grade MTV on the same curve. I expect more, and like that middle school teacher with the fucked up teeth and crooked boobies, I’m going to point my finger and say– “I’m so disappointed in you MTV”. Where were the surprises, the fireworks, the nipple slips?
FUNNY HAHA or FUNNY NO NO!
I love Chelsea Lately, but obviously Chelsea’s biting humor didn’t translate as a host. Maybe she was nervous, or maybe MTV didn’t want her to offend Z list celebs like Selena “young but I fuck like a Cougar” Gomez, either way— that opening monologue was corny, awkward, and embarrassing.
I don’t want a Chevy, I don’t eat Taco Bell, and Rhapsody music downloads will never catch on!
You notice a theme? Advertisement. It wasn’t the normal plugs and commercials we’re all use to; it was blatant product whoring at its worse. MTV showed no shame in peddling crap. We were forced to suffer through N.E.R.D and Ciara, not because they have a hit song, but because they are trying to sell ugly ass cars. Guess what Chevy, Ciara doesn’t make me want to buy a god damn car. She makes me want to buy a time machine, go back to 2004 and tell that malnourished twat that “This Goodies song, enjoy it bitch, because this is as big as you’re ever going to get”. I don’t mind being sold to, but isn’t rule #1 of marketing, not to let the consumer know they’re being sold to?
B.O.B > Britney Spears?
Remember when people who got nominated for several awards were huge stars? Remember Madonna, Beyonce, Britney, and Justin? B.O.B is a one hit wonder with a song that played its self out two months ago. Jason D’whatever the fuck and Ke$ha should never have gotten that much screen time. And why the fuck did Katy Perry and Lady GaGa get nominated for all of those awards, and not suit up to sing? Who does that? If you’re going to give someone an award make them get on stage. Lady GaGa could have pulled a new song out of her ass if she really wanted to. If you give a bitch 10 awards, she better sing a god damn song. Take the meat off of your head, stop kissing the loose assholes of the gay community, do a few lines of coke, drink some tea with honey, and sing Paparazzi bitch! But that didn’t happen, Instead we get that dude from Gym Class Heroes who looks like he shares needles with anyone who offers.
Nicki Minaj and her wonder twinz outfit.
I will never—and I mean never—say anything negative about Nicki because I love everything about her. So what if I never heard that Will I Am song, or that she was forced to perform outside on the blvd where I couldn’t understand a word she was rapping. At the end of the day the pink beehive was the last thing I was looking at.
Taylor Swift thinks Kanye is “an Innocent”.
I applaud Taylor for writing a song that not only forgave Kanye, but tried to reach out to his soul and make him a better person.
Kanye West doesn’t give a fuck.
And as expected Kanye used his performance to glorify what he did last year. Instead of bringing Taylor on stage, or rapping 16 bars of the greatest lyrics ever known to man, he came out in an Eddie Murphy Red Guido suit, sung a “We Are The World: Asshole edition” song where he called for scum and douche bags to stand up and pat themselves on the back. Way to go Kanye, a 17 year old girl does the most selfless performance ever, and you do the most classless.
Justin Bieber lip synced, I didn’t notice because I was busy fast forwarding through that shit.
Apparently the VMAs exist only to promote Jersey Shore, which makes sense because the only time I’ve seen any of those videos played was at 3am on MTV2. The one night out of the year where MTV is suppose to earn their name, and they parade those over tanned idiots on stage as if Jersey Shore needs more exposure. Hey, dick heads, didn’t you just show a 20 hour marathon leading up to the award show? Give it a fucking break!
Honestly, the real reason I hated the awards because it was flat, lifeless, and boring, the same feeling I had when I watched Ray J’s sex tape. The VMAs are like watching a Kim Kardasian blow job, you tune in thinking it’ll be great, you build up all of these expectations in your head, then you see it and its like—um—okay, that does nothing for me. This year MTV didn’t even try to be cool or risqué. They played it safe, and tried to sell us cars and tacos. It use to be about the videos, performances, staged controversy, slutty outfits, and drug addicted rock stars. Now it’s about Rick Ross on an old lady scooter and Rhianna rocking her used maxi pad on her head and calling it Remi. But hey! Tune in Thursday to watch Snookie get into a fight on an all new episode of Jersey fucking Shore.
Madonna is rolling in her grave.