There is nothing wrong with a platonic relationship between man and woman. But let’s be damn clear, a man NEVER sets out to just be friends, pussy is his motivation—always. The Friendzone is like the Matrix, no matter how hard you try to get out, it’s nearly impossible unless Agent Smith lets you. Agent Smith in this case is that female you’ve been crushing on, hoping, praying, that her relationship fails or that promise that “If we both never get married by 35, let’s marry each other” is really true. That’s fucking pathetic in my eyes.
To clear it up, Females don’t enter the friendzone unless they are either A) Fat B) Ugly. And even then you’re only three drinks away from landing that guy you really like (trust me I’ve pulled that fire alarm on lonely drunk nights). So girls if you’re like, “I know plenty of guys who don’t like me like that” you’re fooling yourself, Little Lamar from work who tells you jokes everyday wants your Vagina.
One excuse that guys use is that “It’s cool; I’m just going to get her to hook me up with her sexy homegirls”. My homeboy PJ use to tell me that shit all the time and it didn’t work then, it doesn’t work now. The thing about being friends with a girl is that they will confide in you about their other friends, because the worlds are separate, she doesn’t want them touching. On the flip side, if she does think of you as a “back up penis” why would she give you away to Kim knowing that she has plans for you? Example: My best friend that’s a girl is one sexy creature, yes I’ve wanted smash her since the day I first met her. Anyhell she has a lot of sexy friends. Did she ever hook me up? Fuck no. She had this one friend who was hella bad, it took me a good 2 weeks just to get her phone number. I called a few times putting in my late night phone bone work, then we set a date to go out. I get a call an hour before I’m supposed to get up with her saying that “I have to go do something for your friend” Son of a bitch! I was sabotaged. I didn’t care, because at that moment I knew that if my homegirl didn’t want me to fuck her friend I was going to leave it alone. Years later I finally asked her why she fucked up my shot, and she told me honestly, “She’s a freak; I didn’t wanting you fucking with her”. If you’re truly friends with a girl who cares about you, she’s not going to hook you up with her homegirls, because 9 out of 10 her homegirls ain’t shit, and she knows this better than anyone.
So how do you know you’re in the friendzone and not just establishing a romantic relationship?
-If she’s always calling you and texting you but the conversations are superficial, it’s not because she likes you, it’s because she’s bored.
-If she refers to you as her “homie” it’s a wrap.
-If you haven’t tongue kissed by the 2nd date, it’s a wrap.
-if you are on your 5th date and it’s not a blockbuster night, you’re no longer in the Friendzone you’re in the Trick-ass-lame-zone.
-if she always brings her friends along on the date, it’s a wrap. If you pay for both of them… smh.
-If she’s texting while you’re on a date, and you ask what’s so funny, and she replies “this boy I like is silly”. …it’s such a fucking wrap.
-If she talks about any boy to you, you’re giving off Gay Vibes.
-If you’re on the phone and she never talks dirty, she’s not shy she just thinks you’re gross.
-If you’re on the phone and you’re the only one that’s participating in the dirty talk, you’re being clowned. Example please
TIM: Hey Beautiful (never call a chick beautiful, you sound like an old man)
TINA: What’s up buddy (buddy is almost as bad as homie), Just sitting here waiting for Basketball Wives to come on.
TIM: Word? What you wearing?
TINA: Um, just some shorts and a shirt.
TIM: What’s under the shorts, sexy?
TIM: Why don’t you look down there and see.
TINA: I don’t have to. I already know.
TIM: Well I want to know. What color?
TINA: It was white earlier, now it’s red.
EPICFAIL! She’s probably not on the rag; she just wants him to shut the fuck up. The thing about females and sex is that either they are going to give it to you, or they’re not. They know this as soon as they say hi to you. And all the women reading this can chime in isn’t it true that one word can turn you off? It could be something as small as I don’t like women who get their nails done all the time, and it’s a wrap. Pick your spots to talk about sex or debate about why The Game isn’t a good tv show. The last thing you want to do is turn her away, because a guy who talks about sex all the time, will be in the Deleted-from-cellphone-zone.
Truthfully I can tell you signs that will let you know you landed in the Friendzone, but I can’t tell you how to get out because I’ve made it a habit not to get there in the first damn place. When I was a teenager, my friend Falcon used to give me tips on women and how to approach them when alone. He would say something along the lines of “Pull Your Dick out” that was his favorite saying to turn a friendly date into more than that. So every time I would be over a girl’s house or vice versa, he would echo in my head “Pull Your Dick Out” like some perverted Obi Wan Kenobi. Now in retrospect it may sound perverted and nasty, but he was a genius for saying that. The thing about dating is men and women can never tell where it’s headed, “do you really like me, how do you feel about me” fuck that, why ask Gump ass questions? Just unzippen your pants and whip that big boy out (even if yours is small, fuck it be confident in your stroke) and let her react. If she gets up and leaves, good, you know she didn’t think of you that way. If she smacks you, then feel free to send her to this blog so she can call me an asshole. But it can work. I only did it once in my life and without getting explicit I got the reaction I was going for.
Like I said there is nothing wrong with being friends with girls especially if you’re like me and like talking about girly shit, but at the same time I know what it’s like to really like a girl and she doesn’t think of you that way. So unless you really want to add someone with breast to your entourage, make sure you pull your dick out during that getting to know them period, that way you know if she likes you as a friend or as a lover.