I was talking to a friend of mine yesterday about movies, our personal favorites vs. films considered the best. We both went to film school and both work in the business so we’re movie snobs but our taste are totally different. It was a pretty good debate until his girlfriend stepped in and said, “Saw part 1 was the shit”. Umm okay. We move on talking about Goodfellas Vs Godfather II, she’s bored so she jumps back in and says, “American Gangster was better than both of those movies.” BITCH ARE YOU HIGH!?! I’m hot. Out of respect I don’t call her an idiot, but I challenge her to name her top five so I can rip her taste in movies apart. He’s telling her not to. This is his girl, so he knows what movies she likes, and by the look on his face he’s embarrassed by this. He’s sacrificed his love of movies for a sweet piece of ass, and now it’s coming back to bite him. She happily moves in closer to me so she can tell me her top 10 as if she’s going to blow my mind with her Roger Ebert like skill.
10)Saw 9)ET 8)Waiting To Exhale 7)Baby Boy 6)What’s Love Got To Do With It 5) Ray 4) Obsessed 3) Sex and the City 2) Scream 1) the Color Purple.
I say blankly, “that’s the stupidest top ten ever, you can’t be serious”. She gets mad and starts talking shit about nobody wants to watch a movie made before the 80’s. I can’t hate on that. The funny thing about movies is that you can’t tell someone that they shouldn’t like a movie because you don’t. It’s all opinion. But at the same time don’t jump in a serious conversation about movies when your top list includes a movie starring Beyonce.
I’m so caught up in movies that I can’t understand how someone can go to the theater and just say, “what do you want to see” and scan the movie titles, I refuse to pay money for “a fun ride” I got a PS3, netflix, and a half retarded cat for entertainment, I don’t need to spend 11 dollars just so I can twitter “At the movies“. 95% of movies I see are during the opening weekend and best believe I know what movie I want to see, I’ve read the review, and pre ordered the tickets. I’m anal about movies, it’s just the way I am. My fiancé will sit and watch Two Can Play that Game on cable and have a good time, but when Why Did I Get Married 2 came out she dared not ask me to go see it, because she knows I don’t play that shit. But I digress, I respect that some people think Dream Girls is a good movie while others own a DVD of Transformers 2… I’m lying I don’t respect them at all.
Instead of telling you what movies SHOULD be on your top ten I’ll point out those that should NEVER be on there.
10)Any movie starring Will Smith: I’ll pay to see Will Smith in just about anything, but don’t ever mistake Bad Boy’s for Heat or Ali for Raging Bull. Pursuit of Happiness was nothing more than a movie of the week tear jerker that was upgraded because Will Smith is a good actor. If that movie had Cuba Gooding in it, it would have been on Lifetime.
9) Sex and the City: I enjoyed SATC, I also enjoy the work of Roxy Reynolds and Jada Fire, doesn’t mean I’m putting it on the top ten list. It’s not enough to like a movie because it was “fun” it has to be mind blowing and change the fabric of cinema… or at least effect your life.
8) Casablanca: Certain movies you’re supposed to put on your list due to their iconic status, in College they tried to force all of that shit down our throats. Well fuck history, Casablanca is a mildly entertaining, mostly boring, movie about some guy and his slutty ex. Pass.
7) Any Disney Movie That’s not Lion King: I know you and Aerial go way back, and that you sang the theme to Aladdin at your fifth grade graduation, but don’t be fooled, Lion King is the only one of those pre-Pixar Disney Movies (Pinocchio you could make an argument) that deserves to be acknowledged as a great movie.
6) Dream Girls: This movie rests on my DVR recorder because when my girl can’t find anything to watch. She watches Dream girls over and over again. It’s a fun movie to sing along to and I’ll watch it, but let’s be truthful– it’s Showgirls BAD. Beyonce’s horrendous impersonation of Diana Ross, Jennifer Hudson screaming out her lines with the conviction of a nosey neighbor from the third story of her project building, and I’m still not sure I know what the fuck any of it was about.
5) X-Men 2: Most people don’t know this, but fanboy comic book nerds think that X2 is the greatest movie ever made (yes even over Dark Knight). They swear by Bryan Singer and his dark vision of a mutant hating world. Call X2 what it really is, Wolverine snarling, Storm with a bad wig, and the cock tease of the century in Jean Grey dying and the phoenix being born. I’ve seen it done better on the old Saturday morning cartoon.
4) Do The Right Thing: Spike Lee made two good movies Malcolm X and Bamboozled and one great comedy Summer of Sam (I think it’s supposed to be funny). Do The Right Thing is the default movie white people put on their list to say, “Hey I like coloredsi meanblacks I mean African Americans” It’s not a bad movie, but it’s not a great one either.
3) Lord Of The Rings: Three 3-hour long movies about people walking in forests, mountains, and volcanoes, looking for a fucking ring. I’m pretty geeky, but the Lord of the rings trilogy is beyond gay. If someone tells you it’s as epic as Star Wars, bring them to me and I’ll smack them for you.
2) 300: My boy swears by 300 as the greatest movie ever made. So this is for him: It’s not even in the top 100 homie. Actually it’s around #112 squeezed between Love and Basketball and Beetlejuice.
1) Scarface: Do I love Scarface? Yes I do. Do I own it on VHS, DVD, and Blu-Ray? Yes I do. But is it in the same league as Goodfellas, Godfather, or Infernal affairs. Fuck No. It’s the American dream; immigrant makes it big in America. But when you look deep at Scarface and Tony Montana’s character, there’s nothing there. It’s not meant to be studied, it’s meant to be enjoyed while smoking a blunt. Keep it off of your list.
Now you’re like okay, smart guy, what’s your glorious Top Ten? You’ll have to wait until next week.