If Social networking has taught me one thing, is that women the world wide have one thing in common, Heartbreak, lovesickness, and general obsession with the romantic. Women unlike Men are all about the relationship, Men on the other hand are all about the sex. Any porn can tide a man over, but for women there is no form of pornography that simulates being in a loving relationship. So I’m here to help you girls become “THE Girlfriend” not the jump off, not the other woman, not one of many, but The love of his life. By the way, I’m the worlds’ biggest asshole, I’ve slutted out numerous women, and as I grow older I wish to apologize for my dickhead behavior, so I’m writing this Blog to atone for my sins.
RULE 1: Be confident in your looks no dude should be out of your league. It doesn’t matter if you’re a basic chick or a 5 star chick, if a man just wants the coochie, he just wants the coochie. I’ve given the prettiest girls in the world a “Poke and Peace Out”, never to call them again. I’ve had relationships with some average chicks and spent tons of money. It’s not about the look, it’s about the female. WARNING: Average is around 6 or 7, if you’re hovering below the 5’s meaning that you are totally BUSTED, I suggest that you go have sex with the cutest guy you know, steal the condom and get artificially inseminated. Your bastard kid has a 50% chance of being attractive and then they’ll be able to read this blog. Sorry.
RULE 2: Pay for the first date. If you’re a broke hoe just looking for a free meal at Applebee’s, then stop reading this blog, this is Chess, a strategic way to get boo’d up, not a way to get a freebee. When you pay for the dinner and movie you boast his ego, he’s thinking, “Damn she really likes me”. Men love their egos stroked, and this is the way to start a potential relationship off on the right foot.
RULE 3: Meet his friends. And don’t be shy around them, go in prepared. Watch an hour of sportscenter, Google his favorite team, this way you have something to talk about. Don’t root for the same team he likes, his boys will think you’re a groupie. If he likes the Lakers, be a Celtics fan, this gives you some fun tension and you can joke with his buddies and seem like a “cool bitch”. Now every time he sees his boys they’ll ask about you. Why? Because they like you, and now he’ll feel comfortable taking you places with the fellas.
RULE 4: Don’t argue for 20 Days. I know its hard ladies, I know men say DUMB SHIT, but to be honest, females are way too opinionated off the bat. You can’t come off like you know everything when you’re still getting to know each other. Go Kelly Bundy, act dumb. The reason why MOST relationships don’t make it past 30 days is because you will begin to bicker about small things. If he wants to think Lil Wayne is better than 2pac: Let Him. If he thinks Weave is for chicken heads: Let him. If he SWEARS that 2×2 = 6, then just say, “damn, that’s what’s up.” Let him talk dumb, because at the end of those 20 days he’ll be so in love with you that you can turn the tables and say that the Moon is made of Ranch Dressing and he’ll agree. Its Chess ladies, strategic battles are not won overnight.
RULE 5: Sex is a Weapon. If you’re the type of chick that usually fucks in the first week, stop reading this blog and go to the AIDS clinic, this isn’t for you. If you’re an average woman who doesn’t sleep around, but likes sex, its okay, you’re human, it’s only right to be tempted. Suck it up. Don’t give him the pussy until you make it pass those 20 days of no arguments. If you can survive 20 days of his dumbness and still like him, he’s worth investing. Pussy is like stock. Do you really want to invest in this guy? Wait the 20 days, if he’s still worth it, let him hit. Ride it, but don’t let him hit it from the back for another two weeks. Don’t suck his dick until two months later. Don’t tell him you like girls until the six month anniversary (even if you don’t like girls stick with this). All of this keeps him around and interested. It’s like you’re rewarding him for being a good boyfriend.
If you follow these 5 Simple Rules, not only will you be his only girlfriend, you’ll be the only girl he thinks about. Try it and let me know how it goes. And remember, you’re always free to contact me for support. Happy Hunting.